Gotcha

Shhhh…. he is sleeping right now. Yes, here. Right in the very next room! He looks like a little cherub.

Sorry to keep you waiting. I tried to post a blog entry last night, but the internet was down. I knew I wouldn’t get the chance to post again until tonight because Mr. Milo is keeping me on my toes!

What an amazing couple of days. Yesterday (Gotcha Day) was so emotionally charged it's hard to describe. As wonderful and exciting as it was, it was sad in many ways. It was especially difficult to see his sweet caregiver crying as she handed me his little bundle of clothes and kissed him goodbye. Everyone was choking back tears, even though we were all smiling. Thanks to Alysa, we have some photos of our departure.

Milo got in the car with me without a problem, but once it started moving he started to cry, and then wail! I don’t know if he thought he was going to the doctor (the only reason they are ever in a car) or if he was just plain scared. He clung to me for dear life. His little arms and legs were totally wrapped around me and his cheek was pressed hard up against mine. I felt so sorry for him. I held him tightly and reassured him the best I could. After a minute he calmed down and started looking at all the things outside, but he never let go. He was so nervous and fascinated at the same time. Poor baby.

He is now feeling very comfy and relaxed here in the apartment. I just love having him here! He’s doing well considering all the changes, but we are having some sleep issues as well as some overstimulation I suspect. Waking up to his grinning face this morning was one of the sweetest moments I can ever remember. We’ve been down to the playground twice and he met some of the local kids the second time. We also had our first outing together – to sign some papers for his passport. That was interesting because we had 3 minutes notice to be downstairs and neither of us were dressed. But I did it! He LOVES taking a bath and isn’t afraid of the water one little bit – even when it splashes in his face. He even puts his face completely underwater and blows bubbles. A little fishy he is!

I will try to write more details when I can, but it may be awhile. As I expected, I don’t have the time to write about all the ten thousand things I wish I could right now. I need to try to get some sleep while I can. I just wanted to share some photos and let everyone know we are finally together and doing relatively well. A forever family! We miss you so much, daddy!

Thank you so much for all of your sweet comments and good wishes! Please continue to keep us in your thoughts as we both figure it all out.

One Final Signature

We weren't allowed in his living quarters,
so on his last day I asked a caregiver to please
take a photo of Milo's crib with my camera.

Thoughts from an Imminent Mom

As I sit here alone in my quiet apartment, I am absolutely aware that my life will never be even close to the same in about 12 hours. Tomorrow I will truly become a mother. No more visiting this boy they say is ours. He will come back here with me, and we will suddenly be a real family. I'm sure we will look at each other and wonder what the heck just happened!

I’m so overjoyed, and I also feel a healthy measure of fear. I just hope I can keep him safe from harm because he wants to climb, explore and eat everything. It will be interesting to see how Milo reacts to all the newness of tomorrow and the coming days. We have a very good relationship, and he looks to me for comfort and approval, which I hope will help ease his transition.

Tonight I am thinking a lot about the other women in Milo’s life – his caregivers at the baby house. There is one in particular who had tears in her eyes when she asked me when we would be leaving. I have the deepest respect and appreciation for these women, and I'm feeling very sorrowful for the loss of his relationship with them. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel almost guilty taking him away.

I’m also thinking tonight about Milo’s birthfamily. Without them, we wouldn’t have Milo, and I honor and give thanks to them for this beautiful child. I feel it is important to especially remember Milo’s birthmother and express gratitude for her taking care of him for his first 9 months of existence. In other blogs I’ve read about people seeing young women walking into the baby house with an infant, or walking out and collapsing on a bench in a sobbing heap of grief. I can’t imagine what Milo's birthmother went through to make the decision to relinquish him. I like to think that she did it because she dreamed of him being adopted by a loving family, and having a better life than she could have provided. I truly wish that I could meet her and reassure her of this.


A fellow adoptive parent, Amy, once wrote in her blog:

“I wish that there was some way to experience the joy of this with no repercussions, but the truth is that generally speaking the path to adoption is littered with varying degrees of human suffering. Whether it is the child that suffered some form of neglect before coming to the baby house, the parents that for one reason or another could not care for their child, or the sister that chooses to suffer to give her sister a chance at a life with more possibilities. It breaks my heart to think that money, or lack thereof, is the cause for so much of this suffering….I now think I actually have contempt for it. It truly is just paper after all, and yet it has so much power to affect and inflict so much pain on people all over the world. I wish that my daughter and my daughter’s family had not been at its mercy.”

I know exactly what she means. Right at this moment I feel incredibly fortunate, but also a little bit selfish. I can’t help but think that if we had donated our adoption costs to Milo’s birthfamily, they would probably be able to take care of him themselves for many years. It’s a weird, paradoxical emotion, with complex philosophical and political questions.

I guess I am just feeling so grateful for being given the honor of having this incredible little person as our son. The fact of the matter is he needs a family, and we need him. Bringing him into our lives has taken an enormous amount of work, patience and proving ourselves as worthy. I can hardly believe that tomorrow we will cross the final legal threshold. (Papa, we wish you were here with us, but we will be saying your name and giving your photograph many kisses, and we look forward to hearing your voice on the phone as soon as we are able.)

Tonight as sweet little Milo sleeps, he has no idea that tomorrow we will walk out of that baby house for the last time. He won't know to turn back and take one final long look...to hug his caregivers extra hard...to say thank you to those who have cared for him for nearly two years. So I will do it for him. And I will always tell him about how happy and loved he was at Hope Baby House.

Around Aktobe

All is well and I’m surviving the 100+ degree days without air conditioning. It's dry, so it's not as bad as it could be, but I can't believe how many people I see still wearing jeans and polyester. I think the heat has gone to their heads!

We’re expecting a cold snap soon – a high of only 90 degrees on Wednesday, which is our Gotcha Day. I can’t believe we only have ONE MORE DAY in that playroom! It is beginning to feel real and I’ve been very busy toddler-proofing the apartment, stocking up on groceries, doing laundry, finding a ride-on toy for Milo (he’s been trying to ride his little toy truck with limited success) and getting some precious sleep.

Alysa and I are having a good time together. She is such a sweet and genuine person and I'm so glad to be getting to know her. Please do keep her in your thoughts because she is under some significant stress right now. She is waiting to hear more from her international adoption doctors about the adorable child she is visiting with. She has some concerns, so she cannot make a final decision until she knows more, which is why I haven't posted much about it.

Milo has been back to his normal, relatively well-behaved self! He has almost completely stopped his pretend biting. I can’t tell you what a bad mommy I feel like not realizing that he was going to mimic me! My family always pretend-nibbles on children as a show of affection, and it never occurred to me that I was teaching him to do it too. Duh!

He is at such a mimicking stage and it’s so stinking cute! He has being doing so many adorable new things it’s impossible to tell you all of them. A few of my favorites are that he now brings me my shoes AND my purse when he wants to go for a walk outside, and he understands me when I say “Where are your shoes?” and he brings them to me too. Smart cookie! He loves loves loves to play peek-a-book in the storage closet. And... he said mama the other day! He was just repeating me, but he said it clear as day. Alysa and Saniya heard it too. We all nearly cried.


Before I become too busy to spend endless hours uploading photos, I wanted to share with you a bigger glimpse of Milo’s original hometown:

I have been spelling Aktobe with a K now because that’s how it is spelled everywhere I look here. They say using a Q is considered correct too.

Aktobe is a medium sized city – about the same population as Cincinnati, Ohio. There is a diverse mix of buildings here. Some are shiny modern structures that would fit into any American city, others look like bad 1980’s rollerskating rink architecture, and many others are crumbling, Soviet-era concrete structures that appear to be on their last leg. There are two universities, one movie theater, one children's theater and lots of shopping and restaurants. The oil industry is growing leaps and bounds here, and chromium mining has been big for some time. I haven't been very far outside my immediate surroundings, but I am certain the "suburbs" of Aktobe would be even more interesting to see.

It is a city that must endure extreme cold as well as extreme heat. In the winter the temperatures regularly dip to 20 below. The dust here can be so thick at times, and I imagine there are a lot of lung problems among the population. But it is much better during this trip than the last. The city is considered to be one of the dirtiest in Kazakhstan, but they have a goal to be the cleanest within two years. I think they can achieve this goal as there seems to be a lot of civic pride here.

The city is in an absolute frenzy of construction and renovation because they were suddenly chosen as the alternate destination for a summit meeting between the Kazakh and Russian presidents. This meeting was supposed to be in a different city, but someone realized that the airport runway in that city was not large enough to land one of presidential airplanes! They only had 2 months notice to prepare for a meeting that would normally take 2 years. So they are spiffing up every building, median and bus stop that borders the route of the presidential caravan. They are even “finishing” the new airport building, which wasn’t scheduled to open for at least another year. They are just completing the exterior and the interior portions that the presidential parties will walk through. The local government told their residents to tighten their belts because their utility costs will go up to make up for the costs of this meeting and citywide renovation.

Everyone spends a lot of time outdoors here. They are always out walking, hanging out on the street and in the parks, pushing strollers, riding bikes, playing soccer, rollerblading, chatting away. You often see old men playing chess. Frank got a kick out of seeing old men gathered around cars, looking like they are up to no good. It's a very community-oriented place.

So many people here are so striking to look at -- especially the Kazakhs. The planes of their faces are like softly rolling hills. If I were a modeling scout, this is where I would come to discover new talent. (Yes, AG, I’ve seen some sizzling hot Russians too!) But I enjoy looking at the very old faces the most. These are the faces of true beauty and character.

Here it is not appropriate to greet people you don’t know on the street or when passing in halls. It’s so against my nature to not at least nod or smile. It feels like I’m being so rude, but I guess it becomes somewhat of a relief not to have to acknowledge every passerby. It usually takes a while for people to warm up to you. The woman at the little store downstairs has finally started smiling when she sees me. The residents in this apartment building now smile at me, as do several of the caregivers at the babyhouse. I think it really helps when you at least try to speak their language.

It’s been very hard for many since Kazakhstan gained their independence from the Soviets in 1991. (Some people would even say, since they were cut off in 1991.) But they are a strong and proud people. They go to work, they go to school, they love, they hurt, they rejoice and they try their best to be strong, provide for their family and live a happy life. They are real…with no artificiality. It is refreshing in many ways.

As with most photos in this blog, click to enlarge:

Fountain at Mosque Mall

Typical Street Corner

Lovers

Typical Apartment Building

Kazakh Restaurant

Mosque Mall Detail

Click to read the model name!

Other Playground at Mosque Mall

Pilot School

The Little Store Downstairs

24-Hour Supermarket Near Old Apartment

Street Vendor

Mother and Child

Mosque

Bus Stop

Business Center

Night Club & Restaurant

New Construction

Shops

Formal Dress Shop

Graffiti

Store Near Orphanage

Russian Italian

Garbage (it's always picked through)

Garden

Wedding Party at Solider Monument

Buses are always jam-packed.

Black and Brown Coffee Shop

Entry Door

Babooshkas