Hello is Hard

Picture this: Me, blowdrying my hair, saying to no one in particular, “Vwe pennymiyotu Pangliski?” Frank, peering in, answers, “Nyet. Ya nee pennymiyo.” *

Later that morning: Me, pouring my coffee in the office breakroom, saying to myself, “Nee hi-tilly-buh vwe shtow-nee-boot vwee-peats” about 8 times. A co-worker walks in unbeknownst to me. (I think he still doubts my sanity despite my explanation.)**

Later that afternoon: Me, sitting in my car at a red light. Pointing out the window, saying, “Taam.” Then pointing to the steering wheel, saying, “Zdis.” I notice that the man in the car next to me is staring.***

Embarrassing yes, but worth it because Frank and I have officially completed all the lessons in the Pimsleur Quick and Simple Russian program! Yeah, I may sound like an idiot to those guys, but just wait until I blow the Kazakhs away with my eloquent mastery of the word for “thank you” twenty-seven times a day!

In many languages saying “hello” is easy. You've got your Hola, Ciao, Aloha, Bonjour, Goddag, Shalom, etc. But in Russian, the formal “hello” sounds something like “Zdrast-Vwiteah.” My mouth just doesn’t move like that naturally, although it is starting to now that I'm getting a feel for the language.

I can't help but snicker like a fifth-grader when saying the Russian word for “square” (as in a plaza or city square.) It sounds like a a cross between “Boolshit” and "Poolshit." I can't decide which one is funnier. Also amusing to me is that the Pimsleur system, although very effective, seems geared toward men who are trying to hook up with Russian women. (Hello. Do you speak English? Would you like a drink? Where? At my place or at your place? At the hotel? What would you like to do? With pleasure.) Well alrighty then.

What we really want to know is how to say, “This is the most precious and wonderful child in the world and I promise we are going to be take such good care of him/her and provide all the opportunities and happiness and love he/she could ever ask for and we will do everything in our power to ensure he/she is a well-adjusted, well-rounded, confident, successful and happy person and we will honor his/her cultural identity and love him/her more deeply than the ocean no matter what forever and ever!”

Maybe there is a Pimsleur Quick and Simple Russian for Eager Parents-To-Be Who are Adopting from Kazakhstan, but Learning Russian Instead of Kazakh Because it is More Widely Spoken.

I'll try Barnes & Noble.

I often marvel at the amazing power of language and it’s effectiveness in communicating even the abstract. But I know we will be humbled and frustrated by only being able to understand a few bare basics. Regardless, I'm enjoying learning a tiny bit of this odd tongue that I never dreamed I’d be inspired to learn.

So now onto Russian for Dummies...

Da svee-dah-nee-ye!****


*Do you understand English? / No. I don't understand.
**Wouldn't you like something to drink?
***Here / There
****Goodbye

(click to enlarge)