Loss, Love & Little White Lies

We hope you all had a joyous Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Festivus or whatever other holiday you celebrate!

We’ve had a whirlwind couple of weeks and not much time to sit down and shed ink on the ‘ole blog. I’ve had a million thoughts I’ve wanted to share, and now it seems insurmountable to capture them all.

So I’ll touch on only a few.

Unfortunately our season started with great sadness with the passing of our brother-in-law, Fred, from cancer on December 19, at a mere 53 years of age. Fred loved the Beatles (especially John Lennon), politics and following the headlines closely. He was very excited about our adoption journey, and shared with us every little story he found in the papers about adoption or Central Asia. He was a special person and will be deeply missed. It was a difficult time, especially for Frank’s sister, Rosie, but there is nothing like a close encounter with death to serve as a crystal clear reminder to make the most of our precious little time here on earth.

And so that we did. This holiday season we were able to share many wonderful moments at several parties and gatherings with family and friends. We ate, drank, bustled, reveled, loved and laughed until our cheeks hurt. It was downright magical. "How’s the adoption coming along?" was an often-answered question throughout the festivities. Everyone's anticipation is growing like wildfire as we prepare to enter our "last trimester." It's exciting to talk about and we were very aware of how different and special Christmas will be for us next year.

In addition to all those warm, fuzzy thoughts, my mind has been stuck on something a little disturbing: The concept of lying to our child about the existence of Santa Claus! There are many schools of thought about whether it's better to pass off the Santa story as fact, or regard it as a sweet, symbolic myth. It just doesn't feel right to instill a belief in something known to be unreal. Why can't Santa (and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny) be enjoyed by children as fun, pretend stories -- like Rudolph or Frosty?

I don't know, but I suppose we will ultimately hop on the little white lie bus along with the vast majority – mostly because we don’t want to be the bad guys who ruin it for our kid’s friends and who are despised by all the other parents because of it! And what would the parenthood experience be without having to tell a few little white lies every now and again? Too bad I'm terrible at lying; I'm as transparent as a newly-installed window. Having to burst their bubble will be hardest of all, but I am planning to approach it as a rite of passage -- an initiation of sorts into a special club of those who know the real truth and must guard it very carefully to preserve the magic for the little ones.

I'd like to end this post with a little, belated Christmas gift to all of you. It's one of my favorite poems by my favorite poet. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.


Snowball
by Shel Silverstein

I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first — it wet the bed.