Solitude

Frank made it home safely. He was dog-tired, but feeling better. We think his illness was caused by something he ate here that set up shop in his tummy. On top of feeling like crap, his flights were dreadful! From Almaty to Amsterdam he sat next to a man who had very aromatic, chronic gas. From Amsterdam to Memphis he sat in front of a hyperactive, shrieking, seat-kicking, aisle-running 3-year old girl whose mother was indifferent to the misbehavior. And from Memphis to Charleston he sat across from a Roseanne Barr sound-alike whose incessant whining and complaining could not even be drowned out by his noise-canceling headphones. Let’s hope our flights are better, and that Milo isn’t the nightmare child on the plane!

I long for Frank, but I am doing fine, although I haven’t slept well since he left. Aina suggests doing what the Kazakhs do, which is drinking a shot of vodka before bed. Maybe tonight I will take some Sominex. I’ve taken maybe three sleeping pills in my whole life and I don’t like to do it, but now is the time to sleep before I am joined by the Energizer Bunny himself!

Being alone here isn't terrible (yet). I’ve always enjoyed solitude. Though I am a very sociable person I draw my energy from being alone. And I’m far from bored here. My days are full with Milo visits, meals, shopping, e-mails and of course blogging. You may be surprised how much time it takes to organize, select and edit photos, compress them to low resolution and upload them to the blog. It's an exercise in patience! I also review, edit and compress the videos we’ve been taking, although I am not able to upload them via dial-up. And of course there’s the writing. I write every day and sometimes I get on a roll writing, rewriting and editing until late into the night. I have not turned on the TV since Frank left, nor have I cracked a book or magazine as of yet.

I talked to Marina, the LMI head coordinator in Almaty, about my timing. If I get custody of Milan on July 30 as expected, we should be able to go to Almaty by August 2 and do the rest of our waiting there. Because the paperwork processing time can vary, we don’t have a firm departure date yet, but we will know one week before departure. I asked Marina if she thinks we will be home by Milo’s birthday, August 23, and she said “maybe.” And it wasn’t a very confident maybe. Aaarrrggh...

I need to make a decision. I could to do the majority of our waiting here in Aktobe or in Almaty. We only need to be in Almaty for the last few days. We will have 2 appointments there: the first is with the SOS medical clinic to medically approve Milan for travel to the US, and the other is with the US Embassy for final immigration paperwork.

I’m having trouble deciding where to wait come August 2. At first I thought it was a no-brainer that we would absolutely go to Almaty as soon as possible for a change of pace and because it’s very nice, international city with more things to do. It is also likely that other adoptive families will be there.

But the advantage of staying in Aktobe is that we for certain have a clean, comfortable apartment, a familiar environment and Aina and her family are just upstairs. Also, I think it is a little less expensive in Aktobe.

Any advice from other families who’ve done it?

My visit with Milo this morning was interesting because there was nobody was in the playroom except for us. No other families and no interpreters (Aina had to go out of town.) I always wondered what it would be like to be just the two of us. It was not much different really, except that I felt less “watched.” Of course this was the one time I badly needed to use the restroom, and so we set off in search of it downstairs. The one I knew of was locked, so I asked a caregiver from another group “G’deah tow-ah-let?” She pointed the way and then she took Milo from my arms. I had planned on taking him with me, but I decided this was a better scenario. Within seconds he began to wail and reach out for me. Poor baby, but I had to go!

I made my way down a long corridor I’ve never been in before and finally found the grubby little adult restroom. They had no toilet paper so I was glad that I always carry a packet of tissues in my purse. What I did see was a bucket next to the toilet with what looked like “community cloths” in them. I’m not sure, but I believe everyone uses them and then washes them out in the sink. I also saw some crumpled newspaper in another bucket. I don’t know if it was used or fresh. I’ve read in some blogs that some people just use their hands and wash them afterwards. I know….you’re probably thinking the same questions I was thinking when I first read it, and I don’t know, or want to know the answers!

On my way back I spied a big laundry room for the orphanage and took a quick photo. I bet these machines have seen megatons of laundry. This whole section of the babyhouse seemed dedicated to laundry and maintenance. When I came back for Milo he was still wailing away, with his mouth wide open and big fat tears rolling down his chubby cheeks. It broke my heart! When I took him in my arms he stopped crying within 5 seconds. What more could a mama ask for???

He is definitely getting a little clingy now. He comes to me with arms spread out wide and wants to be picked up and held often. On our walks outside he now only wants to be held, but I make him walk at least 50% of the time for several reasons. First, our interpreter who is usually with us pooh-poohs it. Second, it’s so hot outside and he is getting heavy! Third, I keep thinking about being at the airport with him, where I will need him to be mobile some of the time.

It feels tremendous that he wants me to hold him so much. When he hugs me tightly around the neck and presses his cheek against mine – oh my gosh it’s magnificent. And when he runs to me with open arms I can’t even see anything else. I could faint from the joy! His clinginess isn't too bad right now, but I'm guessing it's in the beginning stages. If I remember correctly, the attachment/bonding books advise that it's best for parents allow for phases of extreme clinginess with adopted children and to nurture them through it, so that’s exactly what I plan to do as much as humanly possible. To let him know that I've got him and I'm never letting go.


On Sundays I have only one visit with Milo so after our visit today I went to the much blogged about “Mosque Mall” with Saniya (Bayanna’s sister and my English student….more on her below.) The mall is exactly what it sounds like – a mall attached to a Muslim mosque. They have 2 very nice children’s play areas outside, and next to the mall is a bowling alley. Frank is not an avid shopper, so that is about the only good thing about him being gone. I can browse casually without worrying about him getting bored.

There were many nice stores, but they were all small and I felt a little claustrophobic in them. One store’s “dressing room” was a 2-paneled screen that customers just set up in the corner. Many didn't even have dressing rooms and I saw some teens just trying things on in a corner.

This mall has two stores with Kazakh-made items. I found some great things for Milo. We want to give him one Kazakh gift per year on each birthday until he is 18, but they will have to be small items so I can fit them in my luggage. I also found some cool souvenirs for family and friends.

When I was looking at some jewelry I was spellbound by this jovial, fire-haired, hardselling saleswoman. She tried to hypnotize me with her wares!

I tried to find a belt because I brought a pair of shorts with me that were a little big and they are getting bigger. The only belts we saw were big, flashy, gaudy ones meant to be the centerpiece of an outfit. For now, I will use some of the ribbon I brought for wrapping gifts since all my shirts cover my waist anyway. Just call me McGuyver. :-)

I needed to use the restroom at the mall too, and that was a unique experience! I had read about this restroom before on other blogs, but I had totally forgotten. Before going in you must purchase a wad of toilet paper from a woman at a little desk just outside the door. It costs 20 tenge (about 15 cents). When I opened the door to the toilet I froze. Oh how I longed for the grubby little restroom at the baby house!

Saniya (Sahn-EE-ah), who accompanied me to the mall, is Bayanna’s cute, 16 year-old little sister. She wants to be an interpreter/translator just like big sis. (FYI – translator means for written words and interpreter means is for spoken words) Their father is our awesome driver, Ceric. Bayanna graduated from college and is no longer working in the adoption field, although we have seen her around a couple of times and I will see her before I leave to give her our gifts.

Saniya is on summer break, so her father asked us if she could join us during our afternoon visits so we can help her improve her English. I said absolutely – we are happy to help! I love teaching – I was an education major for two years before I switched. Saniya has been such a delight, and her English is pretty good. She is quiet and sweet-natured, but funny. Once when Milo was investigating Frank’s hairy legs, we were all amusedly watching. The men here are not very hairy at all, and when we asked Saniya what she thought about Frank’s legs, she sweetly said “Like monkey?” We were rolling!

I have enjoyed helping her, although now that it's just me with Milo I can't give her the attention I could when Frank was here to help watch him. She says just holding conversations with native English speakers is the most helful of all. She is very considerate in helping me entertain Milo, and he likes her.

We have also been joined a couple of times by Gulnara's 15-year old granddaughter, Djamelia (Dja-MEEL-ee-ah). She also wants to strenghten her English skills. She's sweet too, but not as fluent as Saniya and more difficult to have a conversation with. It seems that most of the teens here know some degree of English. The most consistent thing everyone seems to have trouble with is pronouncing the TH sound. It's often a Z sound.

Saniya and Ceric taught me a local saying, “Cogda horosho, eta horosho." (When it’s good, it’s good.) And yes, life has been relatively good in Rocktobe, although we miss papa bear a whole helluva lot. Daddy, we are sending sloppy kisses, tight hugs and goofy giggles to you. MWAH!

P.S. A note to traveling families: If you are given an in-country cell phone by your Almaty coordinator (all LMI families are), you might want to make a test call to her as soon as you get it. Our phone didn’t have any minutes on it, and so although I could receive calls I could not make calls out, nor could I understand the error message that played in Russian. Also clarify with your coordinator how to dial from a landline from a cell, and ask about city codes (like area codes.) If you are dialing cell-to-cell it’s easy, but cell-to-landline requires an extra code, which is also required for long-distance in Kaz. I think. It’s very confusing!