The Final Stretch

It’s Sunday morning here, and that means we only have two more full days left in Kazakhstan. I can hardly believe I just wrote that! Our appointment with the US Embassy is tomorrow, and we fly out early Tuesday morning. Since we are gaining 10 hours on the flight back, we will arrive at Charleston International at on the same day at 10:40 pm EST.

As relieved as I am to be going home, I know that I will miss this moment in time. No doubt the memories of this crazy, nail-biting, life-affirming saga will all become more quixotic than the reality ever was, the trials will be remembered as triumphs, and the fondest recollections will remain the strongest. It has been a summer of basking in the full human experience. It has been a summer to remember.

Since the last post, Milo and I have had some terrific days and some tricky days. Some were so good that on those evenings I actually had enough energy to cook something special for myself, rather than the usual bowl of cereal or cheese and crackers. I even made tomato sauce from scratch! Thank you Alysa for leaving me your spice packets! A tip for traveling families: Spices are hard to buy here if you don’t read Russian, and the selection isn’t as plentiful as in the US. You might want to bring a few basics if you plan on cooking much.

Milan is doing great, and seems far less “lost” than in the beginning. His cold is getting better, he has much more color in his skin and a tad more meat on his bones. I am certain that he has an ear infection, and I’m using homeopathic eardrops I brough from home until we can get him to a doctor. (The SOS clinic doctor didn’t give him anything to help. Apparently their role is only to determine that he isn’t bringing any communicable illness to the US, not to treat him for little things.)

He always falls asleep in my arms now, and it is divine. It only took a small amount of gentle persuasion from me to get him in this mode regularly, and last night he even "requested" it. Sometimes I cradle him, but he usually sits facing toward me, straddling my lap, and puts his head on my chest. I can’t even describe the feeling. To have him trust me enough to fall asleep in my arms is such an honor. And the icing on the cake is that now he always kisses me goodnight. He lifts his little head up from my chest and looks up toward me making a smacking sound with his lips. We kiss and then he plops his head back down. A few seconds later he does it again, and sometimes a third or fourth time. I know he is only stalling going to sleep, but of course I like to think he just loves our kisses so I let him do it as long as he wants. ;-)

His transition to English is going well. He picks up new things so quickly. I still speak some Kazakh to him, but I mix it up with English. For instance, I'll say "Boll Mite, Don't do that" or “Mala Deits, Good Boy” together. His most regular English word right now is "up." It's so sweet when he says it, with a very pronounced P, and holds his arms up for me to pick him up. He also regularly and enthusiastically says “um” when he’s eating or wants to eat. Not exactly a word, but a very cute exclamation! Last night, he said "nose" when I was teaching him the parts of the face. He can now point out my nose, eyes and hair! He says "hi" a lot, but not always as a greeting. He also still says “mama,” but not at me just yet.

He definitely understands much more than he can speak. Here are just a few of the many phrases he knows: “Good boy, No, Sit down, Let's go, Where are your shoes?, Where is your drink?, Let's change your diaper, Let's go outside, Give mama a kiss, Let’s brush your hair.” It’s so funny, when I say, “Let’s brush your hair” he walks toward me with his head forward. Well, first he runs around and wants me to chase him down, but I refuse to do it and I busy myself with something else while continuing to encourage him to come to me. Finally, he comes toward me with his head bowed in hairbrushing position. It's adorable.

He still loves for us to read books together, which makes me very happy. He will curl up on my lap as we look through the same book a hundred times. He likes his stacking cups and any kind of bag or box -- anything that he can put things in and take things out of. He also loves to get IN them. He is obsessed with opening and closing doors. He just loves doors and light switches, although I guess most 2-year olds do! He still loves his baths, but expresses his bliss a little more calmly now, thank goodness.

As far as our challenges, the play-biting is our biggest one. It’s not usually when he’s angry, but when he’s being silly. He thinks it’s fun, and whenever we do much of anything physical together (tickling, wrestling, etc.) he goes into this mode as part of the game. He generally does it when we are comfortable at home and he is not stressed or angry. He usually doesn't bear down, but sometimes he does. I can usually outmaneuver him and avoid anything painful. Everything I find on the Internet about biting is regarding toddlers who bite out of anger and frustration, and is not geared toward institutionalized children or this kind of excited play-biting. I have been very consistent with disciplining him for this. I have been either holding him, as described in an earlier post, or sometimes I hold his mouth closed for a few seconds. In both cases I calmly say “no biting” several times and show him how to be gentle or to kiss instead. Some days it seems to be working, and other days I think not. It’s a common toddler behavior I know, but being in an orphanage usually magnifies it. It can be exasperating, so any additional information or tips would be much appreciated!

He definitely has an oral fixation, as he is always chewing on something and putting things in his mouth. The good thing is that he usually doesn’t swallow whatever he puts in his mouth. I have given him a pacifier to chew on, as well as a teething ring. He chews the heck out of both, and everything else he can get his hands on. He has 8 upper and 8 lower teeth. Could he be getting more? He still drools quite a bit. I do realize that because he has been through some traumatic experiences in his short life, and his oral fixation is probably his way to cope with it. This is probably why he sucks his thumb, and as our I/A doc recommends we are not discouraging it because he really needs it right now. It’s not doing him any harm, but it brings him comfort. She said if he is still doing it at 5 years old, then we can address it.

Overall he is a very good and tremendously sweet boy. He is such a clown and he cracks me up constantly. I think he knows he's funny too. He has such a large and charming personality. I very often find myself feeling so proud of him. He has come through a frightful storm and is a happy little trooper. What I’ve really come to recognize lately is that I am far from a perfect mom. But life with a child is a daily opportunity for mutual redemption in many fleeting moments, and despite my occasional missteps he seems to love me back and he is allowing me to become his mother.

This week we have been able to enjoy many tourist destinations in Almaty. We visited a place called Medeo, a beautiful mountain valley.

The gorgeous Sergei (driver) and Kate (translator)

We went there with another adoptive family who is here -- Cindy Bilbray; her sister, Beth; her nephew, Taylor, and her new son, Tristan, who is from Semey. They are awesome people. The weather was perfect, the mountains were beautiful, and the views were awe-inspiring. The air up there is so fresh, cool and clean. It felt like something out of a musical. I half expected to see a young girl in braids, a ruffled skirt and peasant blouse skipping by us with a basket full of bread in her arms. On the way home we stopped for lunch at the “Ramstore” Mall. It was interesting because for the first time I felt that stopping at a restaurant for lunch with a toddler wasn't such a huge undertaking after all.

We also went to the Green Market with Cindy (center in the photo below) and her family. This is a very inexpensive, bazaar-like shopping district. I was on a quest to find a large duffel bag, some stickers for the flights home and another large bib. I found all three in less than 20 minutes and paid very little for them!



We also visited the Almaty Zoo with Cindy and her family. It was a nice zoo as far as Kazakhstan goes, but I have unenthusiastic feelings about zoos in general. But the kids were impressed and Cindy and I were able to really talk while we strolled through the grounds together. The big drama there was that a horse nearly kicked me. It came so close I could feel the breeze from it! It was a horse they use for pony rides. Another male horse tried to get fresh with her just as we were walking by and I was looking down to turn on my camera. Apparently the female horse was not in the mood and let him know it via some very high and vigorous back-kicks. Although her kicks were intended for him, they very nearly took my head off! Lucky lucky lucky me.

Milo and I also visited the celebrated Kok-Tobe, which offers striking views of the city below as well as some nice gardens, restaurants, a mini-zoo, children’s play area and table tennis courts. We took the cable car there, which was very cool!




There is also a random, large bronze sculpture of the Beatles there (I thought of you, Jeff!) Many adoptive families stop to snap a photo here. We did too, but please forgive the poor quality of my photos lately. My camera broke in Aqtobe so I bought a cheap replacement until I get home. It doesn't always do the job well.

It was just the two of us on this outing, and it was nice to be able to quietly reflect on the splendor surrounding us. I neeeded it. But it also made me miss Frank more than ever. He would have loved it.

Yesterday we went to the very lush and pretty Gorky Park with a neat woman named Leslie, who just adopted a 10-month girl, Saiyora from Shymkent. Her husband also went home after court, so she and I have been in the same boat. She is from Colorado and was a midwife, and she has an art degree.


Today we are going to the State Museum of Fine Arts together. I look forward to spending more time with her, and seeing some of the finer examples of this country’s impressive artwork.

I’m trying to soak everything in these next two days. Knowing that this chapter is coming to a close, I can’t help but be reminded of this quote:

“It’s when you’re safe at home that you wish you were having an adventure. When you’re having an adventure you wish you were safe at home.” -Thornton Wilder