One Month Home

Hello? Check…check…123 … Is this thing on? Are you guys still with me?

Well, hello good people! How I’ve missed you.

First, please check out the previous post. I updated it with photos of our homecoming!

I am finally able to catch a breath and share some snippets about our first few weeks as a family. Raising our active little imp is all-consuming right now (hence the long delay in posting an update!) I promise the next one won’t take so long, and I promise to add pictures to this post THIS week.

There has been so much to share, but it’s impossible to convey all the remarkable moments that have happened since coming home with Milo. I have written a thousand blog entries in my mind. This will be a more practical update since I need to catch up on the basics.

In short, life is good, our hearts are full and we are all happy. Milo is doing fantastically well. I’m floored at how well he has adjusted. He is a happy, smiley, goofy boy (we sometimes call him Smilo) with the most engaging little personality. It’s incredible to watch him dovetail into his new life. People say that he seems so comfortable and at home with us. It’s nice to hear. He has fit in like a perfectly shaped puzzle piece. Everything feels so natural.

Milo’s personality is very charismatic. He captivates almost everyone he meets. He has such a zest for life and he is a total flirt. It only takes him a minute to warm up to strangers, but then he is off and running, winning hearts everywhere. Once he smiles, it’s all over. That precious smile lights up not just the whole room, but the whole block!

In case you’re wondering if it’s all giggles and kisses, of course it’s not. Yes, parenting a willful 2-year old is extremely demanding, and we have had our fair share of tantrums, tears, restlessness, clinginess, whining and poo explosions. Ick. But nothing outside the realm of what is considered normal at this stage in the game. I just wish we could find an explanation for his shoe obsession. Not that I mind it!

Doctor Doctor, Gimme the News
We took Milo to the international adoption doctors at the Medical University of SC, as well as one of the best strabismus eye specialists/surgeons in the country, who just happens to work at MUSC’s Storm Eye Institute. (Milo also saw his pediatrician for his ear infection, which has cleared up completely thanks to a little Amoxicillin. His got over his cold, but has been suffering through another one this week. You would think his entire brain was melting with all that green goo coming out of his nose!)

The I/A doctors say that Milo’s health is very good. They gave him the all clear -- he didn’t even have so much as giardia or anemia. Nuttin! He is at about the same developmental stage as an 18-20 month old child, which is good! Being behind the curve is normal and expected for a child who has lived in an orphanage, and in fact the doctors think Milo is doing quite well, especially considering that he has wonky vision. Now that Milo is receiving lots of attention and proper nutrition he is expected to fully catch up with his peers within about 6 months. He is a smart cookie. He is a little small for his age, but this is also expected. He will probably catch up some there too.

The eye specialist (Richard Saunders at MUSC's Storm Eye Institute here in Charleston, SC) evaluated Milo’s strabismus (crossed left eye), and determined that he has a rare defect in the retina called a retinal fold. So Milo’s vision in that eye is compromised, and it there is no way to correct a retinal fold at this point in medical history. His right eye is totally normal (yeah for that!) His left (bad) eye does have some vision, but we will know a lot more about it on this Friday, September 19, when they can better examine him because he will be sedated for surgery to correct the eye’s inward turn. I am happy that our munchkin will be able to look “normal,” even though he will not have perfect, binocular vision. It was hard to hear this news, but of course knowing Milo, monocular vision will never be a barrier to his ultimate plan to explore, charm and conquer the entire galaxy.

He may need touch-up surgeries later in life to keep that eye straight, but that depends on many different factors. I have tried doing research on retinal folds to better understand them, and I cannot find anything that is published for a non-medical professional. There's very little out there, and even so, all of the documents I can find online are impossible to understand and nothing is written in layman’s terms. This is very frustrating for this research junkie. Is anyone out there familiar with retinal folds?

Please keep us in your thoughts on the morning of September 19th as Milo undergoes his eye surgery. It’s a pretty simple outpatient procedure, and we should be home within a few hours afterward.

Happy Birthday, Water Baby
We celebrated Milo’s second birthday at home with our family on August 23. Naturally, our little ham knew just how to play the starring role in the festivities. Milo spent much of the day in his froggie pool. We have hit the big pools since then, and he took to the water like an otter. It’s astounding to see how he loves to go completely underwater – way under – and always comes up with a huge grin on his face! He begs us to let him just go go go, but he refuses to wear a floater suit, so we must hold on to him. We throw him waaaay up in the air to each other and he squeals with delight. There’s no such thing as too high!

SAHM
Frank and I recently made a big decision. I resigned from my full time job to focus on raising Milo. It was a decision made with mixed emotions, and one we could not really make before we got home with our son. I will definitely miss my work and my colleagues, who have been fantastically supportive of our adoption, but this is what Milo needs right now. I guess I can’t call myself a total SAHM because I will be doing some limited freelance projects from home (writing, voiceovers, music) to help with income and to keep my higher mind stimulated. In fact, I will probably be doing some freelance for my former employer, which works out great!

We made this decision because, although Milo is doing well and is a loving and joyful little boy, he is extremely energetic and still in transition to some degree. He needs some very focused parenting right now to catch him up developmentally and help him through this big change in his life. I am absolutely thrilled to be able to care for him full time (with a whole lot of help from Frank, of course!) So is there a minivan in our future? Start placing your bets now...

Bonding and Attachment
I know that all you adoptive parents-to-be out there worry about bonding and attachment with an “older” child. I wanted to let everyone know that this is going beautifully for us. I don’t know how much of this is attributed to Milo’s personality verses the quality of care at the baby house versus us being constantly affectionate with him, but the bottom line is that his heart and spirit are open. We already have a close emotional relationship and it grows stronger with each passing day.

He is loving and affectionate, giving and receiving kisses and hugs easily. He never pulls back from affection. He has great eye contact and sometimes even gazes at me when I’m rocking him to sleep. He falls asleep in our arms or cuddled up beside us easily. He definitely knows we are his primary caregivers, and he categorically prefers us to others, even though he is very friendly to most others. He “checks in” with us constantly, and looks for us if we aren’t in sight. He always likes to be in the same room too. He seems to have an equal preference for both of us right now, but there are certain times he leans towards one or the other.

Because I had so many weeks alone with Milo in Kazakhstan he and I bonded quite a bit there. So I didn’t worry too much about the often-recommended strategies of not allowing other people to feed/hold/kiss/hug him for the first month home. He strongly prefers mom or dad for these things, but he does allow others to do them on a limited basis.

Eating and Sleeping
Milo is sleeping very well. He sleeps for about 10-11 hours every night, and it’s usually straight through and with hardly a peep! He’s a heavy sleeper too. He also takes a 2 hour nap after lunch. He doesn’t have any night terrors and doesn’t seem to be grieving anymore. Frank and I take turns rocking him to sleep in the big chair in his room. For his naps we lay him in his crib in his bedroom, and at night we put him in a large cradle beside our bed. When he awakes he joins us in our bed for awhile before we all rise and start our day.

Language
Milo already understands a huge portion of what we say to him. It’s astounding how much his brain is absorbing. For instance, we can say “Go get your shoes, bring them to mommy and let’s go outside to feed the fish,” he brings me his shoes to put on, runs to the door, and once outside he runs over to the fish pond. His spoken vocabulary is up to 20+ words, and about every other day he says a new one. Among his spoken words are banana, go outside, ice, ball, night-night, bye-bye, more, mama, all gone, up, and out. He’s got mad verbal skillz! And his little voice is as sweet as Maine maple syrup.

Chasing Milo
In addition to sharing our bliss, I want to share the hard stuff too. We do have a few things we are working on with our little stinker.

Milo is extremely active and curious. He wakes up ready to party and he tries his best to keep us running every moment he is awake. (I’ve lost about 20 pounds since first getting custody of him!) He can’t sit still for long. He’s like a shark – he has to be moving to survive! His attention span is short and he likes to roam from room to room, activity to activity. So we have created a schedule for him, and several times a day we do activities that require him to be still and focus for longer stretches of time. His ability to focus is definitely improving. On Thursday he actually sat in one place for 30 minutes to watch a video. I had to pull him back on my lap 3 times, but he did it, and he set a new record for himself! He does sit still well to eat his meals, and he settles down at bedtime very well too.

I have also put in our schedule certain times of day dedicated to encouraging independent play. This is because he has become attention spoiled and doesn’t like us to do much else but focus on him. If he sees me talking on the phone he especially goes into needy/whiny/misbehaving mode. That is very frustrating!

There were several days when he suddenly became very indecisive. For instance he wanted his shoes on, then off, then on, then off – all within the span of 18 seconds. Then he wanted inside the little red wagon and then out of the wagon and then back in within 18 seconds. Or he wanted to read a book, and then not, and then get another book, but then put it back right away and get another one. Of course, we didn’t play this game for long, and some of his best tantrums were thrown when we made him follow through with a decision. We have been advised that this behavior is probably just part of his “testing” process to make sure we are going to be there for him and tend to his needs.

Speaking of tantrums, our boy can definitely express his displeasure effectively! Most are mild, but some are medium. Luckily, none are hot. We usually ignore them because they’re simply a reaction to our saying “don’t do that” or “no, you can’t have another cookie.” Just everyday toddler stuff. Sometimes it's hard not to laugh when he gets really dramatic! When they’re over, we cheerfully approach him and say, “Ok, all done. Let’s go play!” He usually obliges, and also acts as if it never happened.

The thing that worries us most is that Milo knows no fear. He is a total daredevil, but he is also physically reckless and always falling, bumping his head or scraping a knee. Some of this is certainly vision-related (depth perception) but some of this is a general lack of judgment. Any ideas why? Is he just going to be a thrill-seeker and a risk-taker?

His “love biting” is about 75% better than my last report, and that makes it 90% better than when it started. But it still comes and goes.

I think Frank and I would agree that the most frustrating thing that we are trying to work on lately is the whining. Oh the whining! This will improve as his language improves, but in the meantime…oy vey!

Thank You, Village
Our successful journey to find Milo was not made alone. There are all kinds of footprints in our proverbial sand. There are so many people we need to thank for walking with us, advising us, encouraging us and helping us stay strong. I would love to list them all here by name, but I’m worried I’ll forget/hurt someone. Plus, that would take me another week to finish this post! You know who you are – a huge thank you and giant bear hug to our friends, family members, industry professionals, fellow bloggers and faithful readers from all over the world. We immensely appreciate your abiding support.

More updates and photos coming very soon!

Electric smile!