Shower Power - Take Two

My colleagues recently gave us a wonderful toddler shower!

We had a fabulous time and received lots of gifts for Milo. There were so many great toys, books, clothes, beach gear and grooming items that we could barely fit all the loot in our two vehicles. What generosity!

I am so fortunate that I not only love my job, but also the people I work with. My work friends have seen me through thick and thin with this adoption process. They've been some of my most steadfast supporters, best listeners, rowdiest cheerleaders and softest shoulders. They have shared in our enthusiasm for adoption, and have never made us feel less celebrated than a family expecting a biological child.

Thank you for everything, my Quoizel family. You guys are the bomb! Especially Marlene, Judy, Barb, Debbie and Susan for putting together a marvelous party.

Dee-lish.

This cute centerpiece was made by creative spirit, Barb.
(The Kazakh flag is behind the plane.)

Photos of Milo were everywhere, plus custom banners designed
by Susan. Also on this board were 3x5 cards with parenting advice and tips.

Lovely Marlene, arranging the goodies.

Let the unwrapping begin!

Milo will be on cloud nine!
(We also received a matching climbing structure with a slide.)

Good people.

More good people.

And still more...





Video conferencing with Bobbie in our NY office. Very Jetsons!

We brought Milo's famous orange shoes to show everyone.
(We traded them for another pair at the baby house.)

Thank you again for everything, my friends! Between all the gifts and what we purchased with the gift cards, we have nearly everything we need. Now all we lack is one small boy.

Of course I can't write a post without including images of the little man himself. I can hardly believe that we will see him again in one week! It’s beginning to feel like our first trip was years ago. If it weren't for the photographs and movies I would wonder if it was all a dream. But what makes it even more real is that my powerful feelings for Milo have not lessened one bit. In fact, they have only grown stronger.

Sometimes I don't know how I will make it until mid-August. This week has been especially difficult. It's painful to start packing everything up again, knowing that we will not be bringing Milo home with us. We've been trying to temper the negative feelings because it's not productive to allow the poisons of anger and bitterness to course through our bodies. But it's hard.

We just keep telling ourselves that every day is another day closer to becoming a forever family, and that this senseless process and perpetual waiting will soon be just a faded memory.

VIDEOS:

Go See Mommy

Falling Into Toys

The Only Thing That's Constant

We have been asked to be in Aqtobe on July 7th - a full week before court – because they don’t know when the judge and prosecutor will be able to observe bonding, and they want to err on the side of caution since we are the first family to go through this new process there.

The happy news is that we get to see Milo sooner. The sad news is that because of this and other factors, we have decided to both come home during the waiting period.

When all the post-court waiting and paperwork are finally complete, we will return to Kazakhstan again for a quick third trip to bring our son home. It should be in mid-August. Fingers crossed. Yep, you read that right. Three trips. Who'da thunk?

This wasn't an easy decision, but we feel it's the best answer in our unusual situation. I just don't know how we will bear leaving him again. We'll need cardiac team on standby because it will undoubtedly rip our hearts out. Sigh...

But we're not going to wallow. We're going to look on all the bright sides, which are still aplenty. Yeah, plenty of bright sides. Tons of 'em. Ok, can someone please remind me what they are???

Since I was on blog hiatus when Father's Day rolled around, I wanted to take a moment to wish a happy belated Father's Day to all the daddy's out there! Especially to you, honeybunchesofoats! I just love watching you with Milo. It will be one of my life's greatest joys (if we can ever get his hiney home.)

Air Giggles


And to our own wonderful dads, thank you for everything you've done for us.
We love you very much!

Frank's dad, James (Pop), making the best man's toast at our wedding.

My dad, Rodolfo (Rudy), dancing with me at our wedding.
A moment I will never forget.

Court Date

Woo-hoo! We have a court date! It's Monday, July 14th. That's exactly when Gulnara predicted.

We must arrive a couple of days early so the judge and prosecutor can observe our bonding with Milan before court (another new requirement.) Since it takes almost 2 full days to get there we will leave on July 9th – 2 days after my 40th birthday and 6 days after Frank’s 40th birthday. That’s what I call a celebration!

Sorry I’ve been out of commission for a while. Not only have we been busy since our return, but I also think that I was just too emotionally drained to write. Writing and reading blogs only made me ache more. The first trip took a lot out of us and it was incredibly hard to leave our love bug behind. I needed a little hiatus to recharge and regroup.

I’ve decided to stay in Kaz for the whole time. Frank will need to come home for work after about 2½ weeks, but I will stay until mid-August. Milan and I should be home at least a week before his birthday, which is on August 23rd. (Which reminds me, we have a winner in our birth date guessing contest – Stacy Segebarth!!! She was only 9 days off, having guessed August 14th. Stacy, I’ll be in touch for your address so I can send you your Vintage Velvet CD!)


I want to share some additional TIPS AND ADVICE for future AP’s, especially since there are so many who will be traveling soon:

Key Items:

International Cell Phone: We got ours from http://www.onesimcard.com/ We chose the International Mobile Phone Solution. We paid about $120 for ours (which includes the SIM card), plus the airtime. You can buy a refurbished phone for a little less, or rent one. I recommend you purchase $40-$50 of airtime to start, and you can easily add minutes from overseas. Overall we used about $200 of airtime, but we used the phone more than we thought – especially since there was so much craziness going on with our process and we couldn’t access the net from our apartment. It was a lifesaver for us.

Blue Pen: Take it with you everywhere you go. Nobody ever has a pen on them in Aqtobe -- not even in the grocery store checkout. It’s weird! Blue is required for some court documents. We took one of those retro Bic 4-color option pens and used it all the time. Also, take your passport with you everywhere you go. They don’t usually mention that you will need it for your various appointments (notary, airline, clinic) but when you get there they ask you for it.

Magellan Eurosurge Power Converter: The other brand didn’t work with higher voltage items.
Sonic Impact Video 55 iPod Docking Station/Speaker/Video Player (if you have a iPod)
A Small Funnel: For transferring water from the large bottles to smaller ones
Portable Comfort Foods: Instant coffee (General Foods International - Vanilla is the best), instant oatmeal, granola, green tea, peanut butter, etc.
Sheets: Fitted and flat
Shorts: To the knee for females is ok in public in Aqtobe, but Frank only wore his in the baby house.
Baby Clothes/Shoes: In a variety of sizes. It's slim pickins in Kaz .
Bibs: Fabric drool bibs and plastic meal bibs with the pocket at the bottom
Washcloths & Droolcloths
Stacking Cups
Teething Ring
Board Books: Touch and feel
Cheerios
Teething Cookies
A Small Tote Bag and Several Plastic Bags (from the grocery store)

Two great, makeshift toys we created were two water bottles – one filled 1/3 with water and the other filled with a handful of uncooked rice. Milan loved to shake them up! He also loved the plastic truck we bought in Kaz; It held a bunch of little blocks in its bed.

Milan was not as into the balloons, bubbles or stuffed animals as we thought he’d be. We did leave him with a little stuffed cheetah that we slept with for about 2 months prior. International adoption doctors recommend this because it will smell like us (and home), and scent is a powerful, core memory trigger and many primal responses are linked to it. This is one small thing that we can do to potentially increase his familiarity and comfort level with us. We hope this became his “lovie" (like a Linus blanket) and it brought some comfort to him. He did seem to like it the best out of all the animals. We will also try to use the same soaps, shampoos, scents we used on the first trip so we are more familiar.

I recommend to future AP’s that you learn some Kazakh in addition to Russian because the caregivers usually speak it to the Kazakh children. Also, the locals seem to prefer it. It’s hard to find educational materials, but there is a good list of key phrases in the LMI Yahoo Group files. The only Kazakh we know right now is Sah-Lem (Hello), Boll-mite (Don’t do that), and Molla-dit (Good boy), but we are trying to learn more. Milan's receptive language skills are very good and he understands quite a bit of Kazakh, even though he doesn't really speak yet.


Some Things We’ll Do Differently on the Second Trip

Consolidate our technology: Last time we brought a video camcorder with mini DVs, a large, Nikon SLR camera and our small Canon PowerShot. This time we’re only bringing the small Canon, which also takes video clips, and we just bought The Flip for additional video. We just didn’t use the Nikon camera very much last time because it’s large and bulky, although it takes better photos. We’re also bringing a different computer, with XP instead of Vista. We will still take our iPod and docking station.

Rolling Backpack: The versatility of being able to roll or carry it will be important during the return flights with Milan.

Columbia Clothing: Nice pieces made for hiking/fishing, etc. so they are ultra lightweight, breathable and dry quickly. Frank found some pants that zip off into shorts. Perfect, since grown men rarely wear shorts in Aqtobe because of Muslim values. (We were once moved into a private room in a restaurant because Frank was wearing shorts!) He can zip them off when we’re in the hot baby house and then zip the legs back on for city outings.

Speaking of hot baby houses, Aqtobe is more reasonable than some others I’ve heard of. Yes, it’s warm, but at least they allow us to open the windows, which is taboo in many other cities. Plus when it’s hot they let the children wear cool clothing instead of several layers. The layering is done because in Kaz they believe that colds and other illnesses come from the wind/cold temperatures. They think that the children must always stay extremely warm (even sweating) to avoid getting sick. In some cities the babies sweat their way through life, without so much as a breeze on them. I’m glad they’re not so fanatical in Aqtobe.

I am still tweaking our packing list, but if anyone would like a copy please let me know. It’s pretty comprehensive and we almost didn’t miss a thing. A big thanks to Jen and Marshall for sending me their great list many months ago to help us create ours!

Here are more photos and videos of our adorable little goofball. (The real reason you’re here!) I like the Chase Me video almost as much as the Under the Table video from a couple weeks ago. I’ve only watched these about a hundred times. Are we there yet???

Notice the drool?

"Honey, bring me the scissors!"

VIDEOS:



Chase Me

Get Down





Tippy Toes

MTV Cribs - Aqtobe Edition

Our apartment in Kaz was not as bad as others I’ve heard of, but it was pretty small and needed a lot of TLC and cleaning. Our friends, the Kieffers, said that we absolutely had to stay in a dump to have the real Kaz adoption experience.

We did ask to stay at the same place for the next trip if it's available since we know its pros and cons -- the biggest pro being an air conditioner, which is like gold over there. Plus we know our neighborhood now, and we are located near plenty of shopping, restaurants, the wi-fi coffee shop and the 24-hour grocery store – all important conveniences.

Below is a peek into our nifty Kaz crib. But first a little story:

Late one night someone was painting the floor in the stairwell of our apartment building. The noxious fumes wafted into our apartment for hours. They were overwhelming. We opened all the windows and turned on our trusty air conditioner, but it didn’t help much. The scent was so strong I could actually taste it, and it was nothing like any paint I had ever smelled. We couldn’t really leave because it was late at night. Frank explored the hall and said it was completely filled with a thick fog from this "paint." We later learned that this is actually a type of insecticide treatment. Hello, lungs? Are you still there???

On to the tour...

This is the front of our building. Our apartment is towards the left. We were on the 3rd floor, so we didn't have to walk up too many flights with our groceries.

This is the back of our building. It's the only point of entry. To the right is a playground made of old painted tires and steel pipe equipment.

The entry door to our section of the building. It has a coded lock on it.

Our apartment door was a thick steel door with a deadbolt lock that used an old-school skeleton key. Opening this door felt like we’re entering a submarine. Immediately behind the steel door is a regular wooden front door. Notice the fashionable faux wood paint job!

Once inside, it wasn't so bad. This is the entry hall with nice, wood floors, a modern set of entry furniture and a light lavender paint job. Notice the smashed bug on the wall? It was there when we arrived, along with several more that we chose to ignore - for this trip at least! In the back you see the refrigerator and the door to the bathroom.

The living room had a nice desk, a good chair, a television, big window and pretty curtains. You can see the funky, but effective air conditioner in the upper right corner.

The matching couch and chairs in the living room were straight out of 1982. They were comfortable, if not a little musty.

Ahhh... the rich, textural experience of the living room wallpaper.

On to the kitchen, which had those nice floors and a cute little breakfast table with stools. The electric tea kettle rocked. It boiled water in about 45 seconds flat. How did I live my whole life without having one of these? We already bought one for our home!

Nice microwave oven with a winking chef for our cooking encouragement.

We were afraid to use the gas stove, but might give it a shot next time.

The fridge wouldn't fit in the kitchen, so its home was at the end of the hall. It was a noisy brat. The bathroom doors are to the right and the entry hall is to the left.

Milo's gonna love this. Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.

The bed was comfy by Kaz standards, although not quite as plush as our quilted king-sized mattress at home. The door to the porch is in the bedroom, to the left.

There were no closets -- only a large armoire. The doors were troublesome, so we just lived out of our suitcases. I can't look at this armoire without remembering the empty box that fell off the top of it. It apparently once contained some kind of mysterious Kazakh birth control device.

I just like this photo of Frank passed out one afternoon.

Ahhh...the glittery, glamorous experience of the bedroom wallpaper.

The tub/shower and the sink in the bathroom shared one faucet, which is pretty clever. You just push the spout to the left or right as needed, and you pull on a lever to switch the flow to the shower head. The tap water seemed fairly clear in Aqtobe -- at least this time of year -- but as advised, we didn't drink it. The hot water only went out once, which is good from what I hear. But we learned a new dance we like to call the Kaza Shuffle when the hot water would surge while we were showering. Ok, I have a confession to make...I Photoshopped the tub to make it not look so dirty, because it was, in fact, filthy when we got there and I'm embarrased to say that we couldn't even bear to clean it. But even with digital doctoring, it still looks bad! Next trip we are having a rubber glove party on our first day. (And no, I'm not talking about in the bedroom, you pervs!)

The hot water pipes came out of the wall into an “S” coil, which served as a towel warmer. It worked well, and this was perhaps my favorite feature. There was a washing machine in the bathroom that drained into the bathtub, but we didn't attempt to use it this trip. We just hand-washed in the sink and hung them to dry on the porch in true Kazakh style.




All I can say is pew! There are no stops between all the toilets in the apartment building, so this tiny room could pack quite a pungent punch. Luckily the solid door kept the scent from wafting anywhere else, and we only had to be in this room for one reason. Well, two if you want to get technical.

Our porch and clothesline. The windows opened up to let in the breeze. I sat out here one afternoon and observed an awesome thunderstorm.

Our view to the park outside. This is as green as it gets in Aqtobe.

For all you Quoizel people out there. Timeless designs?

We bought all of our drinking/cooking water in large 5-liter bottles from the supermarket. We went through about 1 bottle per day.

The good thing about Kazakh toilet paper is that it doubles as paper towels!

The best yogurt EVER. (Other brands weren't as good.)

GRAND FINALE VIDEO:

"The Bucket"

(This may take a minute to buffer, but it's worth it if you want a laugh.)

I cut this video off at the point when you hear me gagging.
Frank thinks I should keep it in to honor the artistic integrity,
but I think it's best to leave it to your imaginations!