Pitter Patter

There is the most beautiful music in our home. It's the sound of little feet pitter pattering on the floor, toys playing their sweet songs and our son's giggles echoing through the rooms. We are home!!!

Milo was a super trooper on the flights. He definitely had his moments, but considering his age and the circumstances he did pretty darn well and I was so proud of him! It took plenty of snacks, toys and just a little Benedryl to get us through. He made friends and flirted on every flight, and he slept for about half of the Amsterdam-to-Memphis leg.

The trip was grueling for me. I didn't sleep and desperately wished I had taken a stroller. Milo wasn't much for walking, and I had no way to contain him with the exception of carrying him (which I did 90% of the time) and he is the kind of child who takes off running the second you let go of his hand. He was in rare form in the Amsterdam airport toddler play area during our layover there. He was playing at a full tilt -- almost frantically -- hurting himself often and even running out of the room four times. I've never seen anything like it and it exhausted me even more than the flights. A kind-souled woman in there offered to bring me a cup of coffee. I took her up on it! Later we made our way into the nursery area and I put him in one of the cribs to contain him for a few moments. He stood there and wailed while I regrouped my belongings as quickly as I could. That was a tough layover!

We did have one big scary moment in Memphis when the escalator tried to eat my carry-on bag, which threw us off balance and caused us to fall just a few feet from the top of the escalator. I was holding Milo, who hit his head pretty hard, and I've got some big scrapes and bruises, but we're OK. My bag broke open and the contents went everywhere, right down the steps of the escalator. Luckily we had many good souls around us who helped us out. I did break down crying in the ladies room once we got away from the crowd. I guess the scare broke my spirit for a few moments. I had been strong for so long and I was just plain tired of being strong.

Thankfully there were no unexpected delays, and we pushed through to make it home right on time. We were greeted warmly at the Charleston airport by one very eager papa and many of our family and friends. My mom, dad, sister, niece and nephew came down from Indianapolis to surprise us too! I cannot even express the anticipation and relief I felt walking off that plane. I will never ever forget it. I was practically hyperventilating rounding the corner to the lobby in the airport. I felt joy to the bone. As I approached the group of people I knew was my tribe I couldn't make out faces through my tears, but then Frank stepped out and walked toward me. Our stars realigned the very moment he put his arms around Milo and me. As I sobbed into his soft, warm shoulder all became right in the world again.

Milo remembered Frank, but clung to mommy for a little while. He was shy meeting everyone at first, but after a few minutes of introductions and high fives I put him down so everyone could get a good look at him. They were just staring at him with big smiles and taking pictures, and he was just staring back in his little red, white and blue outfit. Then he suddenly got a grin on his face and started clapping and hamming it up, much to the delight of his admirers! By the time we made it to the luggage carousel he was on fire and being his silly little self. What an entertainer!

Thank you so much to everyone who showed up to the airport so late at night. You were all a beautiful sight for sore eyes and we all felt so supported and loved. It was a moment we will remember forever.

Milo has hit the ground running and has adjusted to his new environment incredibly well. I am amazed! He is such a happy boy and almost always smiling. He is just all around wonderful and is capturing hearts left and right. He has has gotten comfortable quickly and our eating / sleeping / playing routine is going pretty well. He and Frank are right back where they left off too. You can tell he feels the love around him and knows that everything is going to be alright. Sometimes I can't believe he's here. It's just the most incredible feeling, made even better by having our loved ones here to share it with us. Our home feels so full and so complete!

Thank you to everyone out there for following along and sending your good vibes and prayers for our safe journey. They worked! We finally made it through the most excruciating, mind-blowing, unforgettable experience of a lifetime, and our sweetest dreams have come true.

We are a family, and we are now living in the happily ever after. It is the end and the beginning.

Big love,
Frank, Regina and Milo Ruopoli

P.S. Stay tuned for more updates every few weeks!

Notice the fresh scrapes on my left leg from the escalator incident!

After all the freeform car rides in Kaz,
Milo was not happy about being restrained!
But mommy rode in the back with him
and he calmed down for a pleasant trip home.
Yes, HOME!

Just close your eyes and click your heels...

Goodbye Kazakhstan. Thank you for the most precious gift of our darling son. And don't go thinking we're giving him back just because he pooped in the bathtub tonight.


We're going home!!!

The Final Stretch

It’s Sunday morning here, and that means we only have two more full days left in Kazakhstan. I can hardly believe I just wrote that! Our appointment with the US Embassy is tomorrow, and we fly out early Tuesday morning. Since we are gaining 10 hours on the flight back, we will arrive at Charleston International at on the same day at 10:40 pm EST.

As relieved as I am to be going home, I know that I will miss this moment in time. No doubt the memories of this crazy, nail-biting, life-affirming saga will all become more quixotic than the reality ever was, the trials will be remembered as triumphs, and the fondest recollections will remain the strongest. It has been a summer of basking in the full human experience. It has been a summer to remember.

Since the last post, Milo and I have had some terrific days and some tricky days. Some were so good that on those evenings I actually had enough energy to cook something special for myself, rather than the usual bowl of cereal or cheese and crackers. I even made tomato sauce from scratch! Thank you Alysa for leaving me your spice packets! A tip for traveling families: Spices are hard to buy here if you don’t read Russian, and the selection isn’t as plentiful as in the US. You might want to bring a few basics if you plan on cooking much.

Milan is doing great, and seems far less “lost” than in the beginning. His cold is getting better, he has much more color in his skin and a tad more meat on his bones. I am certain that he has an ear infection, and I’m using homeopathic eardrops I brough from home until we can get him to a doctor. (The SOS clinic doctor didn’t give him anything to help. Apparently their role is only to determine that he isn’t bringing any communicable illness to the US, not to treat him for little things.)

He always falls asleep in my arms now, and it is divine. It only took a small amount of gentle persuasion from me to get him in this mode regularly, and last night he even "requested" it. Sometimes I cradle him, but he usually sits facing toward me, straddling my lap, and puts his head on my chest. I can’t even describe the feeling. To have him trust me enough to fall asleep in my arms is such an honor. And the icing on the cake is that now he always kisses me goodnight. He lifts his little head up from my chest and looks up toward me making a smacking sound with his lips. We kiss and then he plops his head back down. A few seconds later he does it again, and sometimes a third or fourth time. I know he is only stalling going to sleep, but of course I like to think he just loves our kisses so I let him do it as long as he wants. ;-)

His transition to English is going well. He picks up new things so quickly. I still speak some Kazakh to him, but I mix it up with English. For instance, I'll say "Boll Mite, Don't do that" or “Mala Deits, Good Boy” together. His most regular English word right now is "up." It's so sweet when he says it, with a very pronounced P, and holds his arms up for me to pick him up. He also regularly and enthusiastically says “um” when he’s eating or wants to eat. Not exactly a word, but a very cute exclamation! Last night, he said "nose" when I was teaching him the parts of the face. He can now point out my nose, eyes and hair! He says "hi" a lot, but not always as a greeting. He also still says “mama,” but not at me just yet.

He definitely understands much more than he can speak. Here are just a few of the many phrases he knows: “Good boy, No, Sit down, Let's go, Where are your shoes?, Where is your drink?, Let's change your diaper, Let's go outside, Give mama a kiss, Let’s brush your hair.” It’s so funny, when I say, “Let’s brush your hair” he walks toward me with his head forward. Well, first he runs around and wants me to chase him down, but I refuse to do it and I busy myself with something else while continuing to encourage him to come to me. Finally, he comes toward me with his head bowed in hairbrushing position. It's adorable.

He still loves for us to read books together, which makes me very happy. He will curl up on my lap as we look through the same book a hundred times. He likes his stacking cups and any kind of bag or box -- anything that he can put things in and take things out of. He also loves to get IN them. He is obsessed with opening and closing doors. He just loves doors and light switches, although I guess most 2-year olds do! He still loves his baths, but expresses his bliss a little more calmly now, thank goodness.

As far as our challenges, the play-biting is our biggest one. It’s not usually when he’s angry, but when he’s being silly. He thinks it’s fun, and whenever we do much of anything physical together (tickling, wrestling, etc.) he goes into this mode as part of the game. He generally does it when we are comfortable at home and he is not stressed or angry. He usually doesn't bear down, but sometimes he does. I can usually outmaneuver him and avoid anything painful. Everything I find on the Internet about biting is regarding toddlers who bite out of anger and frustration, and is not geared toward institutionalized children or this kind of excited play-biting. I have been very consistent with disciplining him for this. I have been either holding him, as described in an earlier post, or sometimes I hold his mouth closed for a few seconds. In both cases I calmly say “no biting” several times and show him how to be gentle or to kiss instead. Some days it seems to be working, and other days I think not. It’s a common toddler behavior I know, but being in an orphanage usually magnifies it. It can be exasperating, so any additional information or tips would be much appreciated!

He definitely has an oral fixation, as he is always chewing on something and putting things in his mouth. The good thing is that he usually doesn’t swallow whatever he puts in his mouth. I have given him a pacifier to chew on, as well as a teething ring. He chews the heck out of both, and everything else he can get his hands on. He has 8 upper and 8 lower teeth. Could he be getting more? He still drools quite a bit. I do realize that because he has been through some traumatic experiences in his short life, and his oral fixation is probably his way to cope with it. This is probably why he sucks his thumb, and as our I/A doc recommends we are not discouraging it because he really needs it right now. It’s not doing him any harm, but it brings him comfort. She said if he is still doing it at 5 years old, then we can address it.

Overall he is a very good and tremendously sweet boy. He is such a clown and he cracks me up constantly. I think he knows he's funny too. He has such a large and charming personality. I very often find myself feeling so proud of him. He has come through a frightful storm and is a happy little trooper. What I’ve really come to recognize lately is that I am far from a perfect mom. But life with a child is a daily opportunity for mutual redemption in many fleeting moments, and despite my occasional missteps he seems to love me back and he is allowing me to become his mother.

This week we have been able to enjoy many tourist destinations in Almaty. We visited a place called Medeo, a beautiful mountain valley.

The gorgeous Sergei (driver) and Kate (translator)

We went there with another adoptive family who is here -- Cindy Bilbray; her sister, Beth; her nephew, Taylor, and her new son, Tristan, who is from Semey. They are awesome people. The weather was perfect, the mountains were beautiful, and the views were awe-inspiring. The air up there is so fresh, cool and clean. It felt like something out of a musical. I half expected to see a young girl in braids, a ruffled skirt and peasant blouse skipping by us with a basket full of bread in her arms. On the way home we stopped for lunch at the “Ramstore” Mall. It was interesting because for the first time I felt that stopping at a restaurant for lunch with a toddler wasn't such a huge undertaking after all.

We also went to the Green Market with Cindy (center in the photo below) and her family. This is a very inexpensive, bazaar-like shopping district. I was on a quest to find a large duffel bag, some stickers for the flights home and another large bib. I found all three in less than 20 minutes and paid very little for them!



We also visited the Almaty Zoo with Cindy and her family. It was a nice zoo as far as Kazakhstan goes, but I have unenthusiastic feelings about zoos in general. But the kids were impressed and Cindy and I were able to really talk while we strolled through the grounds together. The big drama there was that a horse nearly kicked me. It came so close I could feel the breeze from it! It was a horse they use for pony rides. Another male horse tried to get fresh with her just as we were walking by and I was looking down to turn on my camera. Apparently the female horse was not in the mood and let him know it via some very high and vigorous back-kicks. Although her kicks were intended for him, they very nearly took my head off! Lucky lucky lucky me.

Milo and I also visited the celebrated Kok-Tobe, which offers striking views of the city below as well as some nice gardens, restaurants, a mini-zoo, children’s play area and table tennis courts. We took the cable car there, which was very cool!




There is also a random, large bronze sculpture of the Beatles there (I thought of you, Jeff!) Many adoptive families stop to snap a photo here. We did too, but please forgive the poor quality of my photos lately. My camera broke in Aqtobe so I bought a cheap replacement until I get home. It doesn't always do the job well.

It was just the two of us on this outing, and it was nice to be able to quietly reflect on the splendor surrounding us. I neeeded it. But it also made me miss Frank more than ever. He would have loved it.

Yesterday we went to the very lush and pretty Gorky Park with a neat woman named Leslie, who just adopted a 10-month girl, Saiyora from Shymkent. Her husband also went home after court, so she and I have been in the same boat. She is from Colorado and was a midwife, and she has an art degree.


Today we are going to the State Museum of Fine Arts together. I look forward to spending more time with her, and seeing some of the finer examples of this country’s impressive artwork.

I’m trying to soak everything in these next two days. Knowing that this chapter is coming to a close, I can’t help but be reminded of this quote:

“It’s when you’re safe at home that you wish you were having an adventure. When you’re having an adventure you wish you were safe at home.” -Thornton Wilder

Psych

Oops! Sorry about the false alarm with going public. My friend, Alysa, has not had her court date yet. I don't want to do anything to endanger her adoption so I made the blog private again until I can remove her and her son's identifying information, or until she has court. Thanks for understanding!

Public

Just a note to let everyone know I've made the blog public again. You no longer need to be "invited" or to log in to read it.

You still must log in to post a comment, and for those people using the KazBlogReader shared account, you can now use your own!

In the Groove

First things first:

We are coming home on Tuesday, August 19!!!

Yabba dabba doo! I think we will land in Charleston around 10:45 pm, but I need to confirm our tickets.

All’s well in Almaty. We had a very trying first two days, but we have gotten into a comfortable groove during the last two. Milo is doing better and better. Thank you all for your supportive comments and e-mails. It really helps me push through the tougher times! Of course, we had some initial adjusting and new boundary setting in the new apartment. This was expected and we got through the hardest part, although still have our moments on occasion.

Our first evening we went to the grocery store and I misjudged how many groceries I could hand-carry 4 blocks home with a 2-year old in tow, who decided he didn’t want to walk. Not a good experience! At one point I seriously considered ditching the groceries and just getting my stubborn little mule home. We eventually made the 10-minute walk in about 40 minutes – groceries and all – but I felt a little broken. But it was totally my own fault and misjudgement. Lesson #346 learned!

We definitely miss our friends in Aqtobe…



…but Almaty rocks! Plus, it’s a nice change of pace. It’s very modern and nestled beneath the most dazzling mountain range I’ve ever seen. The Almaty LMI team is excellent and very fluent in English. Our apartment here is great, located in the charming, artsy and convenient central district. It has an air conditioner and a washing machine too. We are the first LMI family to stay in this apartment, and I recommend it to other families if you can request it.

The LMI team brought me a stroller that was bought and left here by another family. It has been so helpful, and Milo likes being in it! It’s one of those cheap ones from the market, so the wheels only go straight. If you want to turn you have to lift the back wheels by the handle and scoot it to the left or right. And it comes apart if you try to tilt it too much to turn or jump a curb. But I am not complaining! It has made life easier for sure and I am thankful to not have to buy one (outrageously expensive here) or haul one through the airport.

Milo is doing much better and quite the sweet little character. Now when he gives me a kiss (which is sometimes unprompted) he often takes my face in his little hands. He is such a mimic. It cracks me up that every time we get ready to go out the door and I grab his diaper bag, he grabs another bag we have lying around and slings it over his shoulder too while heading for the door. I have to be careful of everything I do in front of him (e.g. gargling or vigorously stirring his food) because moments later I see him trying to do the same thing.

I feel more connected to him every hour, and our ability to communicate is improving exponentially. Sometimes when our eyes meet he smiles the sweetest smile and we have a moment when the world disappears. He is so cute I can’t stand it. He has so much personality and I love watching it emerge. But he is getting jealous of my time spent doing anything else but being focused on him. If I so much as look at my calendar, wash a dish or clean out my purse while he is awake, he goes into attention-getting mode. And that's not usually a positive behavior! ;-) I told Frank the other day that after this experience, dual-parenting in our own home should seem like a breeze!

We both have been fighting colds, and Milo has developed a persistent cough. We had his SOS clinic appointment today. This is a medical exam that he must pass in order to enter the United States. All went well, but he cried through all of the exam even though there were no painful procedures– just the usual temperature taking, listening to the heart, looking in the ears, nose and throat, and weighing in. He actually weighs 23.1 pounds. The doctor didn’t give us anything for his cold, but just recommended lots of warm fluids.

Despite being sick too, I feel physically stronger these days. My body is adjusting to all the added physical demands of late, and carrying Milo and a heavyass stroller up several flights of stairs hardly fazes me anymore! The Milo Workout Plan has netted me a weight loss of about 10 pounds so far. Some of my looser-fitting shorts are so big now that I have to pin them to stay on. I've been trying to find some clothes here, but it's tough.

Monday night we went to the Russian Circus with the Pike family and Marina, our coordinator. It was fabulous – at least what I saw of it. Milo just couldn’t sit still for longer than 15 minutes at a time. He started whining and getting agitated, so we spent 2/3 of the time walking around and pushing around chairs in the lobby. That was actually interesting too because we were in a staging area where we could see the upcoming acts, including a black bear and some cute show dogs waiting to go on.

Our seats were at the very top of the arena, so I think the long distance may have hindered his connection to the show – plus I don’t know how his vision is at that distance. Not being able to see clearly could have played a big part in his impatience.

During intermission they had a jump castle in the lobby, which he quickly took a liking to! It was open on top, so I could stand on the side and hold his hands. He was nervous at first, but followed the other kids’ cues and was soon jumping in place, and then ventured a few feet away from me to let it all hang out. He had absolute bliss written all over his face!

Yesterday, Kate, our translator, took the Pike family and us to the MegaMall. We did some limited shopping because the stores are crazy expensive. For instance my small shake from the ice cream shop cost about $9.00!

We also went to a kid’s play area that had tons of rides and games. We were just dropping off Winston Pike and his 3-year old bio daughter. His wife, Teresa, and I were just going to stroll around some more with our 2-year olds. We weren’t going to take our adoptees in because it was way too over-stimulating for a formerly institutionalized child (think Chuck E Cheese's on crack), but when we quickly took a peek inside Milo acted like he wanted to get on some of the rides. So I tried it out, and although he liked them at first, he later became tense and wanted to leave. I don’t blame him a bit. Those kinds of places can make me twitch after a few minutes!

In case you were wondering, our airplane ride to Almaty was not easy, but it certainly could have been a lot worse. (Thank you Alysa for all your help! I couldn’t have done it without you!)

Milo did fairly well through the check-in process, which took forever and was very chaotic in their makeshift airport. Toward the end of that process he kept kicking off his shoes and whining in impatience. That’s his new thing – kicking off his shoes when he’s frustrated. I need to find some that are impossible to remove without an adult’s help!

Milo’s tummy was suddenly upset, and I had to change a dreadfully full and smelly diaper in the car just before going inside. Then about 15 minutes before we landed, I smelled the dreadful diaper smell again. But we were in our descent and the seatbelt signs were turned on, so I couldn’t go change him. I thought about going anyway, but he often squirms and turns during changes, and the thought of changing him in that tiny restroom on a miniature tray swayed me to wait it out with big apologies to Alysa, who was sitting next to me and could also smell the not-so-delicate aroma.

He did well during take off. He wasn’t very scared as far as I could tell, and he drank his juice to keep his ears from hurting. He hardly realized that we were moving. Once we were cruising for a few minutes he fidgeted and wiggled his way through the next 2.5 hours. I’m so glad I bought an extra seat for him! I guess he did pretty well for a 2-year old, but it took a lot of cookies and new, unseen toys to keep him happy. And he was itching to exit the plane once we finally landed.

During our landing I had to put him on my lap again to hook him up to the child seatbelt, which attached to mine. He was completely intolerant of sitting still at that point, and started to throw a loud fit, crying raucously and flailing around. He just didn’t want to be constrained. The only thing that got him to settle down was feeding him candy marshmallow bananas. Alysa called them the “magic bananas” and thank goodness I brought them!

All this transpired with a small dose of Benedryl having been given, as recommended for air travel by many other parents. I tested out at home first to make sure it didn’t have the opposite effect, which sometimes happens. I only gave him a half-teaspoon so maybe it wasn’t enough, but I didn't want to give him too much. I'd rather not give him any actually. I asked the SOS doctor about the recommended dosage and she admonished me for even thinking of giving it to him.

Needless to say I’m worried about our flights to the US. There's not much else we can do besides have lots of snacks and never-seen-before toys. But we have been “in training” here at the apartment. Twice a day I make him sit in my lap for no particular reason for 5-minute stretches. He’s doing pretty well, so I will increase them to 10-minute stretches tomorrow, and 15-minutes by the time we head home. I hope this will at least help with take-offs and landings. Any other recommendations? Am I just expecting too much of him?

He went to sleep early tonight – a first! It's probably because was up at 5:30 am and didn’t get a full nap because of our clinic visit. Have I mentioned that he must hold his blue camouflage shorts in order to go to sleep? These became his blankie somewhere along the line. This habit seemed to already be in place when I got custody of him. We bought these shorts in Aqtobe on our first trip in May, so I wonder how long he has been sleeping with them. Such a funny and cute little habit. He doesn't exhibit the self-soothing, rocking behavior that many orphanage children do to fall asleep. But he always sucks his thumb and fidgets with his blue camo shorts or sometimes the tab on his diaper. Even if I am holding him, he must be in a position where he can reach one or the other.

I’m going to sneak in a quick shower and get to bed somewhat early tonight. Woo-hoo! In the morning we are being taken to see one of the most beautiful views of the city, although I could stay in and look at Milo all day and be perfectly content.

Week 1 - Hurricane Milo

Hello! Sorry it has taken so long to post an update, but there is this little gremlin that takes up 97% of my time these days! I guess I shouldn't be such a perfectionist anymore with my blog writing, but old habits die hard.

All is well here, although we got off to a rough start. But good things first:

Milo is doing just fine! He is generally a cheerful little boy and wakes up with a smile every day. He is eating well and loves everything I’ve fed him so far. He is very active, curious and fearless!

He seems to enjoy music -especially slow songs. Whenever he hears music he does a little twirl with his hands in the air, or he sways back and forth from foot to foot. It's something I believe they taught him in their "music and dancing time" at the orphanage.

Our relationship has grown leaps and bounds in one short week, and we beginning to understand each other on many levels. It’s an indescribable feeling. I love him more every day and I can only imagine what it will be like as our relationship deepens over the coming weeks, months and years.

I can't believe how much English he already understands. It's just little words and phrases, but I'm impressed! He is comfortable with me and seems to be bonding to me well. He comes to me whenever he gets the slightest boo-boo and he wants me to kiss it. He wants to be in the same room as I am, and if I so much as walk into the kitchen to toss something into the garbage he is right behind me. He likes to be held in my lap while we read a book, or while we file his toenails. (I think they might have done this at the orphanage because when I was filing my own nails he just climbed right up and gave me his foot!)

He has fallen asleep in my arms 3 times – twice before his nap and once before bedtime. What a sweet, sweet feeling. At first, it took hours to get him to sleep, but he is doing better now. It usually takes no more than 30 minutes. When he finally drifts off, he sleeps 2.5 hours for his nap, and in the evenings he sleeps through the entire night. He goes to bed between 7:00-8:00pm and wakes up around 6:00-6:30am every day. Those of you who know me well know that these early mornings have been really tough for me!

Water in general makes him insanely happy. During his baths I often have to keep him from hurting himself while he flails around in the tub with unbridled joy. He rolls around like a log, and even likes it when his whole face is submerged. He blows bubbles, splashes like a duck and squeals with delight. I have finally gotten him to stay seated, which was my biggest challenge here. He could stay in the tub all night long and he bawls when I take him out.

Once, after I had mopped the living room floor, he found a residual wet spot and immediately plopped down to gleefully slide around in it. Whenever I wash his hands in the sink, he dips his head in to get it all wet too. Crazy about water I tell you! I've never seen anything like it. I can't wait to get this boy to the beach and into a big swimming pool.

Although it has been wonderful having him here with me, it has been a lot of hard work helping him through this traumatic time in his life. Milo is old enough to understand that he is out of his element. He has been adjusting and mourning. Plus, he is simply a rambunctious two-year-old learning new boundaries and unlearning old ones. Not an easy combination!


Our first 4 days together were incredibly intense. During this time about 80% of our time together in the apartment was spent with me chasing, scolding and redirecting him. He was on a mission to explore and eat everything he could get his hands on. He also incessantly whined for me to give him anything and everything within his line of vision, as well as begged me to go outside constantly. When I didn’t comply, the tantrums started. Big ole hearty, spirited, fall-on-the-floor tantrums.

During the times we had fun together in the apartment he would be so excited that he would soon start his fake biting attempts, or sometimes try to pinch me, laughing all the while. I managed to avoid his "love bites," except for one time when he actually bit my finger hard. Trust me, those are some big, scary choppers, especially when they are coming at you!

Day 4 was the worst day of all, and I eventually succumbed to my own sobs of frustration and just plain tiredness. I desperately longed for just 5 minutes of silence, and for a brief moment I felt my love and sympathy overshadowed by frustration and anger. I didn't know how I was going to make it for another 2-3 weeks.

On that day, I caught Milo writing the following letter:

“Help! Is anybody out there??? I’ve been kidnapped! My name is Damir Sultanov and I was taken from my home at Ymit Baby House 4 days ago by this woman who I thought was my friend. She was a great playmate when she came to visit me every day, but I didn’t sign up for being kidnapped by her! She is being nice to me, but I’m totally freaking out and I want to go back home! I’m trying everything I can to drive her crazy enough to take me back. I constantly demand that she gives me everything I see. But she won’t do it. I bring her shoes to her 12 times a day so she will take me outside where I can call for help (or at least get my mind off things at the playground.) I cry for a bath constantly. When she doesn’t give me what I want I get so mad. I have been throwing the best tantrums I can muster. You should see it—oh yeah I am rocking her world. I am hoping the neighbors hear it and call the police. I’m surprised they haven’t. So now I’ve resorted to having the snottiest nose, stinkiest poots and dirtiest diapers I can muster. I often hear her talking on the phone to that guy who used to visit me with her. It sounds like they are conspiring about something really big. I’m worried. Please send help now!”

Seriously, I have felt so bad for Milo, and even in the times when it seems he has little horns out I have mostly just felt sympathy for him. His behaviors are all expected for a kid in his shoes. The poor baby has had his predictable life turned completely upside down. He is confused and distraught, and certainly doesn't like all these new restrictions being set. He is also bereaved and yearning for his comfort zone, his caregivers and his familiar routine.

I know he misses the baby house. I'm sure that he once thought I was taking him back there. As we were walking by somebody’s laundry hanging out to dry it looked just like the baby house grounds, which are always full of laundry on clotheslines. Milo got so excited and RAN as fast as he could toward it, pulling me with me and whining with excitement. But when we got there he looked around and was confused. Nothing else looked familiar. It wasn’t the baby house. He was so sad. I have never felt more sorry for anyone in my life. The same thing happened again when we once approached an iron fence that looks exactly like the baby house fence. So pitiful!

I’m relieved and happy to say that we turned a corner on day 5, and things have been about 80% better since then. I attribute this to several things, but largely because I started using a “holding technique” explained in this link http://www.helium.com/items/508659-creative-discipline-that-really-works as a consequence of unacceptable behaviors. The results are amazing, and I saw the positive effects of this the very same day. I highly recommend it for parents with children under 4 -- as long as you are significantly stronger than them it should work without any risk of ever hurting them. (This is not the same thing as the controversial "holding therapy" sometimes used in attachment therapy.)

Also, I have stuck to his schedule from the baby house pretty strictly, and I have been giving him consistent affection and discipline. I never have given in to a single tantrum. Not once! That has not been easy, but they have greatly reduced in frequency and length, and now he often just accepts my “no” and moves on. I can hardly believe my eyes sometimes. :-) I can tell he is very slowly letting go of his old life. We are having lots more fun now, and mostly positive and normal interactions. My sweet little adorable and charming boy is back. Mostly. ;-) And yes, I know we've only just begun the long process of true bonding and attachment, and there will be many more bad days and challenges ahead...adoption-related and not. Plus we have two more big transitions to get him through -- Almaty and Charleston. I'm not kidding myself by thinking we're out of the woods yet.

I would equate this experience to taming a wild horse while also emotionally supporting someone who has suffered an enormous personal loss and moved to a strange new foreign city all at once. And doing this while also starting on an vigorious new workout regime! Caring for a 2-year old has been so physically demanding, and my hamstrings and my back were absolutely screaming at one point. (I once broke a vertebrae and so my back is wacky to begin with.) I wish I had better prepared myself to continually lift and tend to the needs of 26 pounds of toddler 500 times a day! Thank goodness Alysa, my fellow adoptive parent here in Aqtobe, told me about the trick of lying on a tennis ball to apply deep pressure to my back muscles, which helps with spasms and general tension. It has been a lifesaver. She also let me borrow her tennis ball until we found some at the market. Yes, I guess someone plays tennis in Aqtobe!

Speaking of Alysa, everything finally checked out okay with her IA doctor, so she has officially announced her new son, Kailyr Braden (or Braden Kailyr-final order TBD)! His given name is Kairat (pronounced Kye-rot) and he is the cutest little 8-month old, Kazakh pumpkin pie with a laugh that would melt your heart! I am so happy for them and it was an honor to spend time with both of them here in Aqtobe.

Alysa and I both leave for Almaty on FRIDAY morning – in 2 days!

Alysa will be heading back to Denver right away to await her court date in 5-6 weeks.

Milo and I are expecting to be in Almaty between 7–10 days before finally going home to America. His paperwork is coming along quickly and if we are really lucky we might actually leave on the following Friday. So it looks like we just might have our little guy home before his 2nd birthday after all. Papa, get the swimming pool ready!