Shower Power

Frank's co-workers threw us our first baby shower last Thursday night!

It was a fantastic evening -- more like a fun dinner party that just happened to end with us opening baby presents. Frank works with the most wonderful people, and they have all been so supportive and excited for us throughout this process. (He is a graphic designer for a federal agency focused on the coastal environment.)

We had a great time, and received many thoughtful gifts including a Diaper Genie II, the Leap Frog Groove & Learn Musical Table, the matching mobile for our crib bedding, many awesome books, a wipes warmer, a manly diaper bag for Frank and more.

Having these new things in the nursery has really added a whole new dimension to it -- especially hearing the sweet little lullaby from the spinning mobile. (It plays Rock-a-Bye Baby, which is actually kind of sad when you think about it. Boughs breaking, babies falling...) We put everything together that same night, and played with the Learn and Groove for what must have been an hour, looking up at each other with a mix of utter disbelief and happy anticipation. This was definitely a step toward making it all seem even more real.

Thank you so much to everyone involved for your generosity! And a special thanks to Hanna and Donna for planning the shower, as well as to Hanna and David for hosting it in your beautiful home!

No News Flash

Hello friends! Sorry I have been out of touch, but I recently returned from a long business trip to Dallas, Texas. I missed y'all!

No big news to share yet, but something exciting is that Frank’s co-workers are throwing us a baby shower Thursday evening. It feels so wonderful and weird and cool and awesome and scary and surreal. I'm actually a little nervous.

We’re still waiting to hear our region assignment, and hope to know within the next couple of weeks. It will be super exciting to find out where our child is and in what city our little family will be formed. We still hope to travel around March or April, but there could still be delays. Rumors of delays recently abound in the Kaz adoptive world, but we’re just trying to go with the flow, expect the unexpected and stay flexible.

We’ve been extremely busy with preparations. I’ve started the last bit of paperwork – our Travel Documents. Many of these are “do-overs” to ensure important papers don’t expire during our trip. We’ve also been hustling on many other fronts. We’ve researched/chosen an adoption doctor to consult with while overseas, bought super-warm coats, ordered power converters and surge protectors, created a serious packing list, learned lots more Russian, purchased gifts for orphanage caregivers and liaisons, learned Baby Sign Language, started “while I’m away” lists for work and home, registered at Babies ‘R’ Us, rearranged the nursery, shopped for a glider, tried to figure out where to put all the stuff in the baby’s closet, and tried to keep up with other blogs and newsgroup messages to stay in the loop. With all that plus a gazillion other things not adoption related, time is actually passing pretty quickly!

By the way, Frank wanted to express his thanks for the many thoughtful words and e-mails he received about his January 10th post. It is great to know that sharing his story has encouraged and touched so many others.

Here is the man himself, modeling his brand new, super-warm coat and hat fit for a Siberian spring. He's trying to look Russian, and doing a pretty good job I think. ;-)

Speaking of puffy and grumpy, while I was in Dallas I had a dreadful little bout with food poisoning. The bitter and repeated reunion with my dinner throughout the wee hours of the morning left me feeling so weak and miserable that I had to stay in my hotel room the entire next day. As I lay alone, feebly curled up in the bed, sipping Sprite and dozing through a fever, I didn’t feel sorry for myself so much as I worried like crazy how I could possibly have taken care of a baby at the same time. There was no way! Just lifting the phone took considerable effort.

I’m fortunate to have Frank as my co-pilot, but what if he is out of town? Or also sick? How on earth do single moms do it??? Trying to fathom all of that was far scarier than being up close and personal with the very unfriendly contents of my belly. Everyone says you just find a way because you have to. I’m sure that is the case, but I just I hope that I never have to cross that particular bridge again. The Coconut Shrimp Bridge of Hell!

The Kieffers Come to Charleston

We had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful Kaz adoptive family last Thursday night! Marc and Le Anne Kieffer and their son, Rhys (pronounced Reese), who live in North Carolina were visiting friends here in Charleston, and we all met for dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company downtown. They are the nicest people and a lot of fun too! We enjoyed their company very much and look forward to having them over for dinner next time they are here. (They used to live in Charleston, so they visit a lot.)

Rhys is almost 2, and was adopted from the city of Kokshetau in late 2006. He is 100% Kazakh, sooo adorable and smart as a whip. Marc and Le Anne were simply glowing with pride and love for him, and they are excited to soon be adopting a little sister from Kaz too.

It was comforting and inspiring to be around a "real live Kaz family." Step right up ladies and gentlemen, see first-hand a real live family who made it through the process and are now living happily after! :-) Rhys even let us hold him for a little while after dinner, although he was more interested in checking out his surroundings than cuddling with adoring prospective adoptive parents. Things to see, stuff to explore!

Here's something neat. A few months ago the Kieffers learned that Kazakhstan's Astana Tigers college basketball team was coming to Charlotte for a game through Athletes in Action. They went to the game with a giant Kaz flag and cheered them on to victory. Then they invited the whole team over for a cookout the next day. Now that's what I call Southern hospitality!

Here are a few photos I borrowed from their blog (with permission):

How fun!

Oh, and Le Anne and several other Kaz moms are going on a girl's trip soon (probably while we are in Kaz), and she invited me to join them next year. I look forward to that!

Thank you, Kieffers, for sharing so much great information, travel advice and inspiration. We look forward to your next visit, and also to future play dates with Rhys and little sis!

Black Hole Day, by Frank

This is photo of when the universe began. Well, at least as far as I’m concerned.

This is a photo of my parents on their wedding day. That day was March 28, 1954. This is the day their planets aligned with my stars. This day sealed the fate that they would meet me one day, and that I would be destined to have the best family ever.

Today is January 10, 2008. It is the ninth anniversary of the day my mother died. Nine years since my world collapsed. That was the worst day of my life and it left a black hole in my universe.

My side of the family has not been whole ever since. She was the hub of everything. She helped us raise our hopes, rallied behind us when we were down, assisted old and young alike, loved every human and animal, gave to the needy and sick, spoke kindly to all and was gentle to everyone in the family and with our friends. I am not exaggerating when I say those things.

She and my father adopted me when I was a baby. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. She was more than any child could ever dream of having as a mother.

So to anyone out there wondering about whether an adopted child and a loving parent could have that special bond, I am here to tell you first hand, wonder no more. My life experience as an adopted child has been no less than the brightest star.

So with that, my wife and I are about to expand the universe again. Well, at least our universe. Thank you, Mom, for giving us the hopes and dreams for having the kind of love that you once had.

I miss her.

P.S. Instead of posting comments on this entry, I would like to ask that you observe a “virtual moment of silence” if you would oblige me.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=549

The above link is to a very good article examining international adoption
in 2007, and contemplating the state of international adoption in 2008.



Click to enlarge

A Tall Order

I apologize in advance for the shallow, girly girl nature of this post. Boys, feel free to read on if you like. I promise it has nothing to do with my ovaries, brassiere or favorite lipstick. It's just about clothes.

I have plenty of professional clothes. I have plenty of jazz singer clothes. I have enough bum-around clothes. But I don't have many good mom clothes. Soon I will need to get my shop on, and it won't be pretty.

Before we get into why, first let's cover what exactly qualifies as “good mom clothes.” For starters let's be clear that they do not include mom jeans. (Mom Jeans: Noun; Denim pants with a very high waist and an unflattering, tapered cut which make the wearer – usually a busy mom – look long-bottomed and frumpy. Often paired with a bird themed cardigan). Hilarious SNL video here.

By “good mom clothes” I mean cute, easywear outfits that say “I’m a hip mom who will not let motherhood affect my ability to look smart, attractive, and fashionable," while also being comfortable and effortless. Good mom clothes should never be embarrassing to be seen in, yet be casual and inexpensive as they will most certainly be soiled with spit-up, fingerpaints and the various and sundry contents of a diaper.

For example:

Perfect for a zoo outing, rolling on the floor with your Kazmanian Devil,
stepping out for a gallon of soy milk, or chaperoning a field trip
where you run into an ex-boyfriend.

Got the idea?

Ok, so here’s the rub: I’m a tall person (5’10”) and regular pant lengths are too short, as are regular torso and sleeve proportions. There is no tall store in Charleston, and most stores here that carry longer lengths only do so in 1 or 2 styles of dress pants or jeans. (And for the record, I'm not crazy about the cropped look or jeans.)

So I will probably have to buy tall sizes from tall specialty shops online, and pay 4 times more for something most women can pick up at Target, Old Navy or TJ Maxx for cheap. Plus online shopping runs a high risk of a poor fit and multiple returns. I don’t mind paying more for my good clothes, but can I really bring myself to spend $179 on one velour jog suit? Should I just suck it up and wear pants that flood and tops with a too-short torso that makes me look thicker? Should I just buy men’s clothes and get a hot new butch haircut to match?

I know, I know, this is a really trivial problem in the scheme of things. With world hunger, Iraq, the healthcare crisis, global climate change, cancer, our disappearing social security, millions of orphans, AIDS, child abuse, the national deficit and the swift deterioration of our children's basic spelling skills due to text messaging, who gives a flying you-know-what about my wardrobe. It has nothing to do with parenting, and our child won’t give a rat’s patootie about my getup being fashionable for at least 10 more years.

And all frustrations said, I wouldn’t trade being tall for an easier shopping experience. At least my summertime garb will be easier; I can throw on one of my sundresses and be good to go in an instant. And the tall selections have improved in recent years. I will find some good stuff out there, one way or the other. I always manage to, but it will take some detective work. If not, maybe Stacy and Clinton will show up on my doorstep. Until then, just watch out for a flood.

Oh Eight

As Frank and I bid a fond farewell to a great 2007 we are especially excited to ring in 2008 because, if everything goes according to plan, it is the year we will bring home our child!

Yep, it is theee year. Our baby announcements will have the year 2008 on them. Our plane tickets. Our child's passport. Hundreds of important receipts. All those final documents and signatures. Ten thousand questions will be answered as we hold our Habibi in our arms and get to know his/her personality, strengths and quirks. We will plant the first of a million kisses on that little forehead and learn about love in a whole new way.

Could it really be that we will soon be all hunkered down, snug in our little routine of family joys, trials and triumphs? It's hard to imagine not being a waiting family anymore, although all of this waiting is strangely comforting. Don't get me wrong; we don't want to wait any longer than we must! But I kinda like the antici......pation. I relish in imagining the future in all of it's potential perfection. It's exciting and comforting. And as Blondie says, dreaming is free.

Speaking of dreams, every New Year's Day I write down my biggest goals for the year. Last year I did things a little differently. Instead of writing down words, I drew little iconic pictures of the things I wanted to accomplish. I heard that drawing pictures of your goals, even in just a rudimentary stick figure style, establishes them in your mind more solidly, making them more likely to be achieved.

Today I looked back at the 15 goals I drew last year. My success rate is about the same as prior years (roughly 70%), but I will draw them again this year because it's just more fun! My most notable unaccomplished goal of 2007 is, of course, becoming a family of three. Although it didn't quite happen by year-end, we made great strides and hope to check that off very soon!

Here are some of my drawings of a few of last year's goals:

Become a Family of 3:

Allow Less Money to Fly out the Window

Cook More Often

Frank is the real artist in the family, although my slippers, apron and giant oven mitt are totally hot. ;-)

Well, I need to go get ready for tonight. Nothing sparkly this year. We've declined several parties in order to babysit/have a slumber party for 2 of our sweet nieces. And we are more than happy to spend a lovely evening with them this year instead of partying downtown. They are a lot more enjoyable than over-imbibed revelers stepping on our toes and knocking over our drinks. We are sure to have more fun here than at the biggest bash out there! Hmmm...on second thought, I think sparkles are in order.

I wish everyone a safe and happy New Year! Let's all hold on tight to our little planet hurtling through space as we soar into 2008!

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Dear Habibi,

At the stroke of midnight, with our glasses raised, your daddy and I will toast to you. In Kazakhstan it will already be 11 am on New Year's Day. I wonder what you will be doing. Going down for a nap? Having a second bottle? Snuggling for a brief moment with your favorite caretaker? Whatever it may be I hope that at that moment you will feel the extra dose love we are sending over to you, effervescent like the Champagne bubbles in our glasses and tickling you from your toes to your nose. Happy New Year little love. It's going to be a stellar one.

Loss, Love & Little White Lies

We hope you all had a joyous Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Festivus or whatever other holiday you celebrate!

We’ve had a whirlwind couple of weeks and not much time to sit down and shed ink on the ‘ole blog. I’ve had a million thoughts I’ve wanted to share, and now it seems insurmountable to capture them all.

So I’ll touch on only a few.

Unfortunately our season started with great sadness with the passing of our brother-in-law, Fred, from cancer on December 19, at a mere 53 years of age. Fred loved the Beatles (especially John Lennon), politics and following the headlines closely. He was very excited about our adoption journey, and shared with us every little story he found in the papers about adoption or Central Asia. He was a special person and will be deeply missed. It was a difficult time, especially for Frank’s sister, Rosie, but there is nothing like a close encounter with death to serve as a crystal clear reminder to make the most of our precious little time here on earth.

And so that we did. This holiday season we were able to share many wonderful moments at several parties and gatherings with family and friends. We ate, drank, bustled, reveled, loved and laughed until our cheeks hurt. It was downright magical. "How’s the adoption coming along?" was an often-answered question throughout the festivities. Everyone's anticipation is growing like wildfire as we prepare to enter our "last trimester." It's exciting to talk about and we were very aware of how different and special Christmas will be for us next year.

In addition to all those warm, fuzzy thoughts, my mind has been stuck on something a little disturbing: The concept of lying to our child about the existence of Santa Claus! There are many schools of thought about whether it's better to pass off the Santa story as fact, or regard it as a sweet, symbolic myth. It just doesn't feel right to instill a belief in something known to be unreal. Why can't Santa (and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny) be enjoyed by children as fun, pretend stories -- like Rudolph or Frosty?

I don't know, but I suppose we will ultimately hop on the little white lie bus along with the vast majority – mostly because we don’t want to be the bad guys who ruin it for our kid’s friends and who are despised by all the other parents because of it! And what would the parenthood experience be without having to tell a few little white lies every now and again? Too bad I'm terrible at lying; I'm as transparent as a newly-installed window. Having to burst their bubble will be hardest of all, but I am planning to approach it as a rite of passage -- an initiation of sorts into a special club of those who know the real truth and must guard it very carefully to preserve the magic for the little ones.

I'd like to end this post with a little, belated Christmas gift to all of you. It's one of my favorite poems by my favorite poet. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.


Snowball
by Shel Silverstein

I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first — it wet the bed.

Paradigm Shifted

For us, the decision to become parents was a far bigger one than the decision to adopt.

Until recent years, we were both pretty decided about not wanting to take on the full responsibility of kids, although we love them and enjoyed our aunt/uncle roles immensely. Being the youngest in each of our families, we watched our older siblings take on the joys and pains of parenthood, so we never had idealistic notions about how children would change our lives. Plus, our lives were already so full of things that made us happy and content, and we had not felt the overwhelming desire to have kids.

We had many plans that didn’t include children, and so our vision of our future had to go through a dramatic paradigm shift when the desire did kick in - especially from an economic standpoint. That's because our "master plan" had been to continue to mindfully live below our means in order to be 100% debt-free within 4-6 years so we could semi-retire very early in our mid-forties and set out on our dreams of traveling the world. Well, that dream has definitely shifted to planning to support a child or two for the next ... oh say 20 years! So it was goodbye to the around-the-world journey, and hello to the (even more exciting) journey of parenthood! It was a choice we were thrilled to make, but it wasn't without a few hesitations at first while kissing the other dream goodbye.

The shift didn't happen overnight. We actually first looked into adoption about 4 years ago. We were both profoundly moved by several “signs” that spoke deeply to us, one right after the other. But we soon had second thoughts, filed away all of our research, and went about our busy, child-free lives. Occasionally the idea would resurface, but it would quickly be obscured again by the bustle of daily living.

On the night we unlocked our hearts for good, we were watching some old family movies that Frank was transferring to DVD for his family. As I watched the adorable footage of toddler Frankie playing t-ball, I had a very emotional reaction. I suddenly felt as if I were watching our child on that TV screen. After a long, powerful conversation, both of our hearts were opened beyond the point of return.

I thought I would share with our wonderful blog readers the video that started it all! Funny how Frank’s personality is already evident, as he returns the cone to its proper place before running. Yes, he still runs like that, and yes, I still want to squeeze him every time I watch this!

Our Dossier is in Kazakhstan!

Andrea called last night to let us know our bundle of joy (aka the rock star) has arrived at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Astana, Kazakhstan! Woo-hoo!!! We are very excited to know that it's finally in the same country as our baby. It feels somewhat surreal actually.

It took just under 4 weeks to process through the Consulate. We expect it will be at the MFA for 6-8 weeks. I updated our overall timeline, which can be found in my Sept. 6, 2007 post.

Please celebrate with us by listening to the real version of the National Anthem of the Republic of Kazakhstan I found on YouTube in this short slideshow. (By "real version" I mean not the Borat version, which is quite amusing.)

Here is the translation of the stirring lyrics, which speak to this proud country's tragic history and formidable genesis:

"We are a valiant people, sons of honor, and all we’ve sacrificed to gain our freedom. Emerging from the malicious grip of fate, from the hell of fire, we scored a victory of glory and success.

Soar high up in the sky, oh, eagle of freedom, call up to harmony, agreement and accord! For a hero’s might and strength is in the nation, just as the unity is a nation’s razing sword. While honoring our mothers and respecting the cream of cream of our rising nation we welcomed all ill-starred and struck by ruin. Our homeland, the steppe, a sacred cradle of friendship and accord gave all a shelter and a hearty refuge.

Soar high up in the sky, oh, eagle of freedom, call up to harmony, agreement and accord! For a hero’s might and strength is in the nation, just as the unity is a nation’s razing sword. We’ve overcome the hardships. Let the past serve bitter lesson, but ahead we face a radiant future. We bequeath our sacred legacy implying our mother tongue and sovereignty and valor and traditions so dearly cherished by our forefathers as true mandate to future generations.

Soar high up in the sky, oh, eagle of freedom, call up to harmony, agreement and accord! For hero’s might and strength is in the nation, just as the unity is nation’s razing sword."

Warm All Over

It was a wonderful week. My parents, one of my sisters and one of my nieces came to Charleston for a visit, and we were thrilled to have them here.

We enjoyed an early Christmas gift exchange, and Frank and I received many thoughtful things. But as I worked my way into the large gift bag from my parents, opening several gifts stacked atop each other, I caught a glimpse of something at the bottom that looked suspiciously like a crocheted blanket. My heart skipped a beat. You see, my mother crochets very well, and for as long as I can remember she has crocheted beautiful baby blankets for the new arrivals in our family. They are special gifts cherished by all lucky recipients. So as you can imagine I was quite agog. Could it be? Is this what I think it is? Is it really our turn???

I gently lifted from the gift bag not one, but two soft and cushy, handmade baby blankets. They were absolutely, breathtakingly perfect. A gorgeous light turquoise one, and a vibrant multicolored one with alternating hues of green, yellow, blue, pink, lavender and white. My heart filled to overflowing with love and appreciation for my sweet mother, which spilled over into my eyes and onto the blankets. I couldn’t hug her long enough or thank her deeply enough.

I could just imagine her patiently crocheting them, just as I had watched her do so many times as a child. Perched at the dining room table, hands moving and twisting in a repeating pattern while holding a shiny, hooked needle, weaving a single thread into a superbly organized tangle, row after row, humming a joyful tune and saying little prayers all along the way until a work of art magically emerged. Having put a great deal of thought into choosing the colors, the yarn and the pattern, and agonizing over whether or not her (fairly finicky) daughter would really like them.

Well mom, rest assured that I LOVE them. Not just because they are so pretty, but because they are priceless treasures from your heart, and from the careful toil of your hands. The same soft hands that held and fed me as a baby. The same loving hands that hugged me, brushed my hair and occasionally spanked me. The same hands that have curious ridges in the fingernails, which are exactly echoed in my own. The hands that radiate the love of a beautiful, kindhearted woman who has always done much more for others than was ever done for her.

The blankets are now waiting patiently in Habibi’s crib. For now their intent is quiescent, but their significance is not. I eagerly await the days when we tenderly swaddle the newest grandchild in these precious gifts, and find comfort that the baby will surely sleep more peacefully and have sweeter dreams when wrapped up in a grandmother’s love.

Regina's Mom and Dad (Christina and Rudy)

Regina's Sister and Niece (Sonia and Amanda)

(More family photos to come in a future post...it is a large group!)

Mother of the Year

I have always been intrigued by stories of interspecies adoption. They certainly serve as a beautiful illustration that, from a universal level, a parent's love is much broader than just giving birth, and that a child doesn’t have to be a “perfect match" to be perfectly loved. Here is a sweet story that appeared my inbox recently. Enjoy!

MOTHER OF THE YEAR
In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

After recovering from the delivery the mother tiger suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The only orphans that could be found quickly were a litter of weaner pigs. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. The zookeepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become tiger cubs or pork chops???

Take a look...you won't believe your eyes!